The moral philosophy of Aristotle has been modified through the years by later Greek Philosophers and people like Thomas Aquinas who rectified Greek philosophy to Christian teachings which along with enlightenment expansions to them is where we Masons derive many of our teachings from. With this in mind, I’ve always wanted to dive into Aristotle but don’t have the mental/temporal bandwidth to sit down and read his original texts. I picked up a book called “Aristotle for Everybody” by Mortimer J Adler (a Philosophy professor) from the Lodge Library. This 168 page book spells out the ancient philosopher’s thoughts in a more modern (as of 1968) and accessible language. While reading through the section on his moral philosophy and “living a “Good/Virtuous Life,” I came across several parallels with the lessons of Freemasonry; particularly relating to the four cardinal virtues of Temperance, Fortitude, Prudence, and Justice which presented to me a fresh (despite its’ age) way to examine and utilize them.
In order to get into those virtues as they relate to Aristotelian ethics specifically, it is necessary to take a brief detour to give a summary of his definition of a “Good Life” and virtue to give some context to the explanation of the virtues.
According to Aristotle, to live the “Good life”, we must have “Real Goods”:
Bodily goods (health, vitality, vigor, and pleasure)
External goods to have the bodily goods (food, drink, shelter clothing and sleep)
Goods of the Soul (knowledge, skill, love, friendship, aesthetic enjoyment).
He notes that we must also develop good moral character by developing good habits which enable us to seek the aforementioned Real Goods in the right amount, order, and relation to each other. This is “moral virtue.”
It’s worth noting that bodily goods are Limited Goods (too much is bad) and goods of the soul are Unlimited Goods (can’t have enough on the road to Virtue).
Moral Virtue is making the right choices and moving steadily in the right direction. Making good actions a habit makes them easier to internalize and perform. Moral Virtue has a special role in the “pursuit of happiness.”
Now for the virtues…
Temperance
Avoiding overindulging. One must strike the balance of satisfying the bodily goods with the correct amount of external goods. Eat too much and become unhealthy. Spending time mostly chasing carnal pleasures, it becomes an addiction that prevents you from making a human connection. A couple of alcoholic libations increases dopamine to an enjoyable level, too much and poor judgment (and a hangover) rears its ugly head.
This one tends to be taken in terms of avoiding outwardly bad things (alcohol, marijuana, etc.), not as much on the personal application of some is good, or even required (food), but too much is bad. This makes temperance seem more as finding balance rather than being a limitation.
Courage
Aristotle calls this courage but was likely changed to fortitude during some translation when the cardinal virtues were adopted by Christian philosophers in the late medieval period. Our ritual notes that this virtue is equally distant from Cowardice, which Aristotle defined as avoiding temporary pain for a future reward.
Cowardice can take the form of sleeping in instead of waking up and doing what needs to be done familialy, professionally, or otherwise. It can take the form of skipping a workout because of whatever poor excuse is made (being sore, no time, tired from the workday, sleeping in, etc.). It can be avoiding a difficult conversation with someone to avoid the unpleasantness of said conversation. In all of these situations, long term benefits are being deprived for short term pleasures.
On the surface, it seems that fortitude is about courage in the face of danger or against an external enemy. Aristotle’s explanation couches it in terms of an internal struggle. This expanded my thinking about applying this virtue and why this is an important Masonic precept.
Prudence
Aristotle does not mention prudence specifically. Prudence as outlined in the Entered Apprentice lecture is the virtue that enables us to figure out how to act within the spectrum of the other virtues. One needs to use prudence in their actions to develop good habits which lead to a virtuous life. To use the sleep instead of exercise example, if you have to wake up at 6 and you didn’t get to bed til midnight because of some external uncontrollable circumstance, it might be more prudent to sleep the extra hour instead of waking to exercise.
Justice
The application of justice per Aristotle deviates a bit from the lessons to live the virtuous life but it is an interesting way to look at it and still useful Masonically which is why it is mentioned here.
Aristotle described justice as “the bond between men in states.” Humans naturally form groups (families, societies, states) to serve the needs of everybody within that group to live well. Others have the right to expect from others that they do not impede their obtaining of “Real Goods” (defined above) that are needed to live a “Good Life.” It doesn’t present a requirement to help them. Helping comes from love for another person. Justice merely requires not impeding others which is why there are laws. This seems to have more to do with living within the State than specifically within the fraternity. Obviously, masons should never intentionally impede others’ pursuits of real goods. Masons’ are also obligated to help one another within certain bounds spelled out in said obligations. But isn’t that what brotherly love is?
Further Study
There are breadcrumbs throughout western philosophical thought whence came our masonic philosophy. The four cardinal virtues per Aristotle is but one example. A study of these philosophies (and Eastern philosophies… but not as directly) can enrich our understanding and application of Masonic teachings to our lives.
I read nine books between my 37th and 38th birthday and completed five more that I had partially read over the past three or four years. I read somewhere that the average American reads four books per year (more like the mean than the average) so I figured I’d shoot for that. With a busy schedule of a young family, freemasonry, work, and real estate stuff, I figured I’d shoot for seven. So while not impressive by more learned men’s standards, I’m proud of my nine and some change. I’d like to keep that pace.
The books are really a big mix of different topics. Some are for pleasure, some were specifically for learning.
This really came up as I was writing some random musings and then I wrote a section on books that turned into this. It ended up being a reflection on the books I’ve read in the past year. I figured because I feel like it and this is my blog that no one else really reads, I would go ahead and post it. It’s also putting some content so this attempt to SEO myself and my unique name doesn’t fall down the search engine pages. And maybe, someone who is into similar things as me will find it useful.
So here we go:
“Son of Thunder” by Henry Meyer
This is a biography of Patrick Henry – the “give me liberty or give me death” founding father. The book is good for what it is. As often happens when authors draw from historical documents to create a narrative, it can seem a little dry at times. What they often end up doing is filling in the details with more general information about that time period. This ends up also producing a snapshot of life and politics in Colonial and early American Virginia. This is actually one of the nice things about these kinds of books as it’s a similar narrative told from a different perspective.
Henry learned his fiery oratorical style from firebrand Presbyterian ministers and really was principled in most of his political views. He was another founding father contradiction on the topic of slavery but I’m able to accept that as a flaw in his character rather than throwing the baby out with the bathwater.
It’s pretty interesting though in that he was anti-constitution ratification and many of his arguments against it leading to a centralizing executive authority and bureaucracy have come to pass. Of course part of that is Congress has seemed to gradually cede that power through inaction over the past few decades. Henry’s assertion was that the executive would take power intentionally by force.
I originally procured this book to aid myself in the tour business that I used to have and started this one in like 2018 during a trip back home to Nevada/California. I got maybe a quarter way through before putting it down. In 2022, then needing to fall asleep, I decided to pick up this tome and actually got super into it. Go figure.
Here’s a video from the local Church where this 2nd Virginia Convention and Henry’s speech took place.
“Light Ages’ ‘ by Seb Falk
My buddy Lane actually gave this to me about the time I started getting into astronomy. It’s about medieval scientific advancement and technologies prior to the enlightenment and centered around John Whyck, a monk from England who spent time on the continent. The biggest thing I pulled from it was the wondrousness of the astrolabe which was sort of like a medieval smart phone that could tell you the time, seasons, find constellations, navigate, measure height of objects, and a whole host of other things.
The book gets a little hard to follow in the middle when Falk describes the counting and calculation methods that the monks used. That’s actually when I put it down maybe 50 pages in in 2021. I picked it back up this year and powered through the hard to follow section. Very good decision.
Thanks Lane!
It also inspired me to request an astrolabe for Christmas.
“The Left Hand of Destiny” by JG Hertzler
This is a part of the Star Trek Deep Space 9 novel series focusing on General Martok after the TV show’s finale. I sparsely started it in 2020 and decided to finish it since after the Henry book, I went on a mission to wrap up unfinished book business.
It is a two part series about General Martok heading back to Q’onos as the Klingon High Chancellor and some events thereafter. If you’ve ever read a Star Trek expanded universe novel then it’s pretty on par. If reading “War and Peace” by Leo Tolstoy is a steak dinner, this is more like devouring a tasty but not really filling bag of potato chips.
Still, I’ve read a ton of post-finale DS9 stuff and they’re all interesting, easy reads if you love the series.
“A Brief History of Everything” by Bill Bryson
A few years ago I got into stargazing and amateur astronomy and quickly realized I don’t know anything about any science.
I read “Until The End of Time” by Brian Greene in 2020 to try to get a layman’s overview of quantum physics and wanted something that gave a layman’s overview of various scientific topics.
My father-in-law recommended this book for that.
This book definitely delivered. It’s about 23 years old but holds up very well. Bryson is a pretty prolific writer (though I’ve only ever read this book of his). Since he’s an author, not a scientist, he goes around interviewing various experts on topics relating to all fields of science to get a general overview of each area which is generally told in the context of more specific sites he visits.
I really liked the bit on enlightenment efforts to measure the world and the geology/history of comets landing on earth as well as the effect of volcano eruptions. We have all these ideas of nuclear war and climate change ending life on earth but in an instant a giant meteor can come and decimate our civilization or the yellowstone geyser could burst and snuff out life on most of the continent.
Very humbling.
“King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine” by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette
I listened to one of the Art of Manliness podcasts (you’ll hear this referenced a lot because it really is the best podcast I listen to), and he interviewed someone who was talking about Jungian Archetypes and relating them to personal development. The interviewee brought up this book so I thought I’d check it out for some personal development.
The gist is that in all of our personalities are these four archetypes mentioned in the title. Each has an ideal and each has two shadow forms. For example, the ultimate is the “King” but they have shadow archetypes of the “Tyrant” and the “Weakling” and fulfilling the ultimate version of these four archetypes is balancing the positive aspects of shadow forms. The tyrant uses too much power and force to get his way, but it’s important to be willing to go to battle if needed. The weakling will be much more fearful and thus cautious. It’s good to be prepared for battle but not reckless in pursuing it when it can be avoided.
Peep the graphic I stole from an Art of Manliness series. I find it to be one of the frameworks that I try to integrate into my personal development regime. Here is also a series on the topic from AOM.
It really reminds me of a yin and yang type thing where the elements of both need to intermix. I ended up relating it to the Masonic philosophy and moral framework as a supplement. I can’t confess to being an expert on this topic but it does help me recognize the darker traits coming out in myself and balancing them out to achieve the “mature masculine” archetypes. It’s part of my increasing interest in dualism as it regards balancing the various energies and forces within.
To someone just reading the title it may seem like it’s espousing some childish form of masculinity touted by guys like Andrew Tate and the like but it’s more like a manliness akin to Dwight Eisenhower. It’s definitely a good read for any man into personal development.
”Goddesses in Every Woman” by Jean Shinoda-Bolen
After finishing the book above and liking this Jungian framework on masculinity, I realized that with raising daughters and spending my life with my wife, it might give me some insight to help understand them if I read a Jungian framework on femininity. I did some research and found this book to be the best recommendation.
Shinoda-Bolen relates different female archetypes by example of different Greek goddesses. It’s actually the basis for the whole “Goddess Feminism” genre that got out of hand in the 90s that you may have seen panned in the sit-com Friends where they reference “stealing another goddess’ thunder.”
Make no mistake, this was the original.
Shinoda-Bolen’s context here is more rooted in equality feminism without a lot of the more postmodern baggage some of this literature is written with today. She is a Jungian Psychologist, feminist, and a mother so she provides a great perspective.
I came to understand some of the archetypes that the women in my life resemble and it gives some great tips on raising girls who display some of those characteristics of the different archetypes. One does need to be careful not to use these archetypes as a hard framework and try to pigeon hole people into these exact descriptions.
Actually, writing this makes me realize I need to go back and reread some of the chapters as my kids get older.
“John Marshall: Definer of a Nation” by Jean Edward Smith
This was another book where I wanted to learn about a historical figure who had an impact on the nation. I actually have a latent desire to become a John Marshall Chautauqua reenactor so this was going to be my first foray into learning the character. Since that will not be an endeavor I can take on any time soon, I just left it at this book for now.
It was a great overall view of Marshall’s life, his major Supreme Court decisions, his political life in Richmond and Virginia, and a whole lot of background information on Colonial and early US history. This was the book that I found most recommended as a good pop-history overview of Marshall’s life and impact.
The thing that stuck out to me most about Marshall was that this guy was first, very intelligent and very affable. Secondly, that he was just generally a “dude.” He liked to hang out late in taverns and drink with his buddies, and socialize, but not to excess. By doing this, he became very well connected and exchanged a lot of ideas about government and culture with other learned and/or influential men. I learned a ton of biographical information about him that I never knew: his time in the Virginia Militia, his role in getting the constitution ratified in Virginia, and his relation to Virginia politics.
What I really appreciate about the man now is that this is a guy who made his way by virtue of being intelligent, supremely competent, and incredibly affable. He is a great example of the “natural aristocracy” that has to do more with merit than with lineage.
I would recommend this more if you’re just interested in the topic as it’s about 500 pages – though it’s not dry at all.
“An Immense World” by Ed Yong
I actually ended up getting this book delivered to me from Amazon without having ordered it. There was no gift receipt. No one I knew had sent it when I asked on social media or texted those I thought would have. It just ended up in my hands.
Weird.
Anyway, being curious as I am, I read the description and thought “well that sounds interesting.” And it was.
Ed Yong basically explores how different animals and forms of life perceive and interpret the world via their senses which is called “Umwelt.” For example: dogs primarily use their sense of smell and only have cones in their eyes to receive two kinds of colors on the spectrum. Their way of experiencing the world via smell and vision is so different than we can even begin to perceive. Many birds can see in the “ultraviolet” color spectrum and can detect soundwaves and tones which human’s can’t perceive. Bats use sonar and hairs which track the wind and air around them to conduct their movements. Bees can sense electromagnetic fields.
It got me thinking how being hard of hearing in my right ear makes me perceive and move through the world completely different than someone with their full hearing. Or how someone who is blind perceives the world in a way that I can’t even fathom.
This book that came to me by accident was mind expanding. Sometimes the deity just reaches out and says “you need this!” I suppose.
It’s not super sciency and the content is written in a pretty accessible way. He gets a little preachy on climate change in the last chapter. Which is fine and merited but sort of seems shoehorned in rather than a natural extension of the topic of the book.
“Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen
After I read the aforementioned book, I wanted to pick up a literary “classic.”
Bret McKay of Art of Manliness (there they are again) interviewed an English professor who wrote a book on “Jane Austen for Dudes” (https://www.artofmanliness.com/living/reading/podcast-871-jane-austen-for-dudes/) which piqued my interest. My wife loves Jane Austen so after I finished Immense World, and was looking for a classic to read, I realized that there was a bookshelf full of them in my bedroom and picked up this book.
And you know what? I could not put that book down.
I was audibly laughing at some of the scenes and confusion that ensued between Mr. Darcy and Eliza Bennet and all the other funny characters in the book. Once you get used to the Victorian language, it is a very entertaining and easy book to read. I wouldn’t say I gained any great insights (other than maybe the superfluities of the 19th century English class system), but it was thoroughly entertaining and the dialogue was off the chain dryly humorous. It was also actually a book I could then talk to my wife about.
Then I watched the BBC mini-series with Colin Firth and that gave me a whole different context. Although- I have to say- the book was better…
I’ll probably pick up another Jane Austen book at some point in the future (being that all of them are on my bookshelf thanks to my wife). I’ve heard “Emma” is one of the better ones.
This is a book on negotiation from a former FBI hostage negotiator. It’s less about the technical back and forth and exchange that some negotiation experts use but is more a book on psychology. I liken it to negotiation as less of a hard science and more of a social science.
I had actually already read it a couple of years ago because I had been thinking I needed to learn some negotiation skills and then heard the author interviewed on Get Rich Education and picked it up. I decided to give another thorough read through because I always forget to use the tools I read about in the book.
The one time I did use them a lot, I ended up negotiating a great deal but it was a circumstance where I was in a position of power from the outset so I don’t know how much of it was the principles in the book or the circumstances.
Either way, I figure after a second thorough read through, I can probably just reference it occasionally. It really made me realize that I need to take better notes about books that I read.
“How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” by Dale Carnegie
Another Art of Manliness referral. Brett interviewed Joe Hart on Carnegie’s advice in the 21st century and they mentioned this book by Carnegie that is less talked about than the other one I read 20 or so years ago, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” (another timeless classic).
This book is more like a toolkit for dealing with worry and stress.Each chapter presents a different tool for dealing with stress and worry and they’re bundled together by the types or causes of worry.
Some of the references to “dispepsia” and things like that are dated but the principles he talked about to get rid of “melancholy,” prevent ulcers, and prevent heart attacks still apply today. This is another one I keep on the back of the toilet and reference occasionally. Particularly if I’m having trouble sleeping due to worry.
The biggest principle I’ve applied is gratitude (which I’ve also pulled from other texts).
The other one I’ve pulled out is the self “pep talk.” Sometimes you just need to look in the mirror and pump yourself up to get in the right mind frame for life. On the AOM broadcast, Brett mentioned the “Stewart Smally” skit from early 90s Saturday Night Live (see below) but it’s really funny that it actually works. The problem is that I forget to do it daily. Maybe I need to leave some sort of reminder for it.
This book is, like all of Carnegie’s books, an easy, entertaining, and effective read that will likely be one of those books I gift to people.
“Human Compatible” by Stuart Russel
A few months ago I got really caught up in the hoopla and fear mongering over Artificial Intelligence after listening to Lex Friedman interview Max Tegmark, Sam Altman, and Eliezer Yudkowsky who are all on different areas of the spectrum on the topic. I started to get a little panicked. One of the notes in Carnegie’s book on worry is along the lines of get more information about it and it won’t be as scary. I realized I needed some overview of this topic that didn’t involve learning crazy levels of math and programming to be able to think critically, at least on a rudimentary level, about it. A bit of research led me to Russel’s book for a good general overview of artificial intelligence.
Russel reviews how artificial intelligence works differently than human intelligence, the history of AI, the potential issues with self learning, human use of AI, benefits of human use of AI, and prescribed a potential path forward. It’s one I really need to re-read and take some notes on because it’s a little dense (though not necessarily inaccessibly technical) and I can’t really recall a ton of specifics.
Learning about it did alleviate some of my more panic-inducing fear on the topic.
“Growing Up First Born” by Dr. Kevin Leman
This book was given to me by a friend and when people gift me books, I usually read them out of respect for their thoughtfulness in giving it. I almost always enjoy them. Which, I suppose, is why they thought of me.
The premise is that this psychologist holds that your birth order can determine a lot about your personality. A first born is someone who is the first born child, the first born of their gender, or born 5 or more years after their last sibling. Leman posits that they all tend to share similar traits.
I actually took really good summary notes on this one after reading each section, as I found the information useful. It pointed out to me things that I didn’t think were traits of mine but really are. For example: perfectionism. I never considered myself a perfectionist because I am the type to sort of say “eh, good enough” and don’t wait until the final version to put it out there (just look at this blog post for myriad examples). I also tend to get a lot done but without taking the time to review it or think it completely through. Where it expresses itself with me is beating myself up for small mistakes. I really am the king at this. Even if the mistake happened 25 years ago. The author gives a lot of tips on dealing with that.
The other trait I see in myself is “over-responsibility.” Taking on too much “because someone needs to do it and if I don’t, it won’t get done” or taking on other people’s problems. This is a big one for me.
He also gives tips on raising first born children which I’ve adopted some of. It has really saved my sanity with my oldest.
It’s a pretty easy and accessible pop-psychology read but it cut to my core and really gave me some tools to deal with these specific traits. Are they really due to my birth order? (5 years younger than my older sibling) I’m not sure, but the advice still holds true.
It’s worth noting that this book was written in 1989 so some of the references are dated. The advice, however, is timeless.
Some Final Thoughts
After writing this introduction and completing this list and descriptions, I actually found it very pleasant to reflect on these books and what I learned from them, what I liked, what I didn’t like, and how they made me feel.
I don’t know if I can keep up this pace of reading. I don’t speed read any of these but I can’t confess to absorbing every bit of the non-fiction ones in detail or exploring the deeper meanings of some of the literary classics.
I just picked up Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy since I loved War and Peace so much. This was actually another one that my wife had on the bookshelf that I decided to pick up because why not? I like Tolstoy’s writing style (or at least the translations of it) and there’s a reason it’s a classic right?
One of the ways I found to keep up is that I always have a book that I can have electronically on my phone that I can read in waiting rooms, while on the toilet at work, waiting in line at the DMV, etc. Between the phone version, my night stand reading, and then my back of the toilet book, I’ve usually got 2 or 3 books going at once.
I also started and didn’t finish a couple of books this year- Hero With a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbel (another Jungian one with the “hero’s journey”) and “Masonry and Astronomy.” Maybe I’ll revisit those this year. I was reading the Campbell book on my phone but it’s pretty hard to follow so I really need a physical copy and to put some steady brain power into it.
Anyway, I hope if anyone actually reads this, they find it useful. Maybe I’ll do the same thing next year.
I wrote this article a few months back for my lodge’s Trestle Board (think, newsletter). It’s just something I had been thinking about as I had the realization that my entire friend group is directly a result of being a Freemason and one of the great things about the fraternity.
Brotherly love “…unites men of every country, sect, and opinion and conciliates true friendship among those who might otherwise remain at a perpetual distance.” (Methodical Digest Page 70)
I believe this is the major “value proposition” of Masonry and our lodge in particular.
There are a couple of podcasts from the Art of Manliness (AOM) (http://www.artofmanliness.com ran by Brother Bret McKay of Lodge Veritas #556 in Norman, Oklahoma) on the nature of male friendships and the difficulty of making friends in adulthood.
Today, men out of school are suffering from a lack of friendship. As we move away from home, get caught up in busy schedules of work, family, and business, the thing that is most neglected is socialization.
While we all love spending time with our wives/significant others, there’s something different about hanging out with the boys. And I don’t think hanging out with your wife’s friends’ husband in a group setting who you don’t have much in common with counts.
Masonry provides this.
The key though is not just that Masonry provides this social outlet, but why it provides this- because of the nature of male friendships.
In AOM podcast # 360 (https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/understanding-male-friendships/) Geoffrey Greif explains that when we think of friendships nowadays, we tend to think of female friendships or “besties” where they can see each other everyday and just talk and empathize with each other.
Men, typically, do not relate like that.
Female friendships are, in general, face-to-face, but male friendships tend to be side-by-side looking out.
Male friendships center around a common cause or activity. Think back to childhood or college friends. Proximity allowed you to become friends but generally you were always doing some activity…not just chatting over coffee or a beer. A shared struggle, hobby, friendly competition, etc.
In Freemasonry the side-by-side aspect of working on something together takes multiple forms:
Ritual work: Performing excellent ritual is important for a myriad of reasons that could be its own article. But what practices and degrees are also doing is providing pre-text for “hanging out with the guys.” We are working together to perform dang fine ritual work and make somebody’s initiatic experience the best we can while at the same time reinforcing and discussing the precepts of Freemasonry..
Community Events/Specific Projects: Charity is a big part of being a Mason but doing so together is also a great way to hang out. Working at Amelia Lodge #101’s monthly pancake breakfasts and food trucks at community events are my fondest memories of my year in Amelia. I’ve gotten to know brothers on a much deeper level sitting together while checking people in at a blood drive table or toiling at lodge cleanup days.
Lodge Leadership: We work together to run a lodge. Sometimes running a lodge can feel like a second job with all that’s needed to be done (especially in our case) but it’s an endeavor we choose to do and that we choose to do with friends and brothers.
I could go on and on but the point is that our lodge fulfills a very real need for the “shared experience” requirement.
This is a huge point that I emphasize with potential candidates. Many of them I meet with are dancing around the fact they are lonely and searching for a group of friends or tribe. There’s no dating site for guy friends…one has to join some sort of group and even then it’s sort of awkward to find ways to hang out outside of those events. One can see this in the amount of affiliates we have who have moved here from other jurisdictions and choose our lodge over others.
I had a similar experience. Living in Richmond for two years with no real friends (except one who later became a mason) until I affiliated with Richmond Randolph Lodge #19. Now my whole social group (aside from my wife’s friends) is Masons. Which is great! I love self-improvement, ritual, and Masons Hall. Most of all though, I love working on all these things alongside true friends and brothers.
Over the years, I’ve read a lot of articles, had a lot of experience, steeped myself in Masonic philosophy, talked to a lot of mentors, and listened to a ton of podcasts. I’ve been making an effort to distill the lessons I’ve gleaned that guide my conduct and comportment into a Google Docs entitled “Guiding Principles” and I decided that, for lack of having posted anything here for two years, that I would post these guiding principles here. I’ll elaborate on some of them and how I learned them. This is basically an internal tool and isn’t meant to apply to everyone. Lord knows I don’t have everything figured out. I hope to pass these principles onto my children and that they will build on this or create their own list. This is a list I aspire to because, God knows, we are not all perfect and are always chipping away at ourselves to live up to the person we know we should be.
Don’t criticize people in public. Give criticism in private. This is one that I read in Dale Carnegie’s “Win Friends and Influence People” but really stuck home when I was watching the John Adams Miniseries on HBO (which everyone should watch as Paul Giamatti is transcendent as John Adams) and Ben Franklin (played by Tom Wilkinson) tells Adam during the 2nd Continental Congress when Adams calls out John Dickinson of Pennsylvania in front of everybody and insults him. They inserted a Ben Franklin quote into this conversation where Franklin chides him, and Adams responds (I’m paraphrasing this whole conversation) “Well should I insult him in private?” and Ben replies “Perfectly acceptable. He may even thank you for it.” We are egotistical and social animals and if we are made to look foolish in front of the tribe it can be quite devastating. It’s best to pull someone aside and offer wise counsel. A perfect example is when someone sends a group email and forgets to attach something or makes a clear error. Don’t Reply-All. Reply to them or even call them and let them know.
Don’t throw people under the bus just to make myself look better. Honestly, this one is just common sense and really just stems from my internal moral compass. Blaming someone else to someone isn’t really going to accomplish your task.
Sometimes it’s really hard not to but I’ve found that it doesn’t resolve anything except maybe making you look not as bad.
Praise people publicly. Here’s another one from Dale Carnegie. Praise publicly, criticize privately. Both are lifting people up. Making them look good in front of the group boosts their ego, gives them a favorable opinion of you, and giving them the positive vibes will beget positive vibes.
Don’t vent on social media. I know way too many people who vent personal, political, and other stuff on social media. Airing your dirty laundry to thousands or millions of people to be held on the internet for posterity is never a good idea, especially when done impulsively. You may get some sympathy from a few people but mostly it’s just sort of annoying. If you don’t have an in-person or one-on-one outlet to deal with this stuff, find one. I’m sure you know at least one person in that friend list or follower in person who you can go to with this stuff.
Lying is too much work. It’s easier to be honest and deal with the consequences. This is just basic morality but if that isn’t good enough think about how much work it is. “Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.”
As a teen, I told a lot of tall tales which any probing into could have been identified as complete BS. I told them because my ego was fragile, and I had a poor self-image and wanted to make myself look good. It was a lot of small things, but I had no compunction about doing it. I’m not trying to cast myself as some completely dishonest person. None of these lies affected anybody else negatively but I really learned my lesson my first week of college.
From 15-18 I maintained a big lie (the content of which shouldn’t be aired on the internet) that just seemed to snowball and was maintained by me for 3.5 years until one day when I was 18, it completely blew up on me. At that moment I had the realization that I just had to be honest no matter the consequences, even if it made me look bad.
One lie begets another lie when people probe, which begets another lie when people probe further until eventually you get tangled in the web of lies and your lies become contradictory, and you lose yourself. A host of small lies easily adds up to a big headache.
Don’t try to cover up your mistakes, just come clean, and figure out how to fix them.
Bring a host gift. Here’s one I’ve picked up from various sources and my friend Greg. It’s usually a classy move to bring some sort of gift the for the host if you’re staying with them or if you’re coming to a party. The more thoughtful the better but it’s best to not show up empty handed. My best recommendation is something consumable so that they don’t end up with a bunch of tchotchkes unless it’s something you think they’ll really like and use. It just leaves a good impression.
Plans are useless but planning is indispensable. Make a plan. This is a gem which is attributed to President Dwight D. Eisenhower. This is probably my favorite piece of advice that I’ve tried to internalize over the last few years. It’s important to plan and make a plan to meet an objective. By doing this, you sit down and think through scenarios, possibilities, alternate routes, checkpoints, critical path, etc. and formulate your plan of action. Inevitably, something will happen that throws your plans slightly or even way off track but if you’ve thought through various approaches and scenarios, you’re armed with the information that you need to make changes on the fly to account for those unforeseen circumstances to mitigate the negative effects or even turn them into a positive. For a whole life plan, once I settled down at the age of 28, I started making much more solid life plans and planning accordingly and, with some obstacles and changes, has fallen in place. Where I’ve only recently really internalized this is in smaller scenarios. Creating an agenda for meetings, writing down what I want to discuss ahead of time, thinking through individual scenarios. I plan to write a separate post on how I have applied this to a smaller situation.
Be Early. This has been hammered into me by multiple people multiple times.
My dad was always huge on punctuality (I guess as a newspaper man he was big on deadlines). My football coaches in high school (go Chiefs!) always said “if you’re early you’re on time, if you’re on time you’re late, if you’re late you’re forgotten.” And back then, to me, it was just a disciplinary thing. I did it because I was supposed to. Then a brother from my Masonic lodge back in Reno was explaining to me why, aside from making sure you arrive on time, it’s important to be 15 minutes early.
You can use the restroom. You have time to find your way if you’re lost and not be late. You can make sure you’re physically put together (check your hair, tie, untucked shirt, etc.). You can mentally prepare yourself, review your notes, or just be mindful to get your head in the right space. By planning to be early, you also give yourself some fudge time (especially important if you have small kids you’re trying to get into the car). It’s worth just sitting in your car for 20 minutes, or take a walk, or something else to pass the time to be early enough to make sure you’re on time. I’m even usually on time to social gatherings. It’s maybe just my character because I’m outgoing enough to not make it awkward but if you’re the first one there you get some one-on-one time with the host, can offer to help finish setting up, and you get one-on-one time with a few of the guests to get to know people at the party (especially important if you only know the host). It’s easier for me to make acquaintance in a small group than it is once people start piling in who know each other.
Being early to social gatherings will probably make the host uncomfortable so here’s a circumstance of maybe parking down the street and hanging out until start time.
Be the best prepared person in the room. This is one of the things that I am most actively working to improve. I apply this most in my job in construction management. In the past, I would prepare for things, but I wouldn’t chunk off a half hour to comb through paperwork, drawings, specifications, past change orders, etc. before meetings. I would go off my memory. Now, I take 15-20 minutes and backcheck things I have in my memory, cross-check items, make lists of questions, points, etc. It’s similar to the planning maxim but this is less strategy and more arming with information.
In fact, even five minutes on short notice of sitting down and applying some front burner brain power in thinking through your objectives, questions, and what you’re trying to accomplish has made an enormous difference for me.
Don’t gamble more than you’re prepared to lose. This may not apply to some people. In fact, some people make fortunes and careers off gambling. But this list is my personal guiding principles and not necessarily universal truths. This principle, however, applied to both monetary gambling as well as other less tangible things. Now, I’m not afraid to take some risks, but I typically only take calculated risks and am somewhat conservative with managing the downside risk of things. Maybe if I were one to take bolder action, I would be super-wealthy but so far in life it has served me relatively well.
Sit on your first draft for at least an hour. This has more of an application to emails and texts. To be honest, I need to be much better about this. I tend to be a doer and want to get things out. I also get caught up in “go mode,” and hit send before I’ve proofread or reviewed for clarity and conciseness. If you put some distance between your initial writing and your review, you can see it with fresh eyes. I suppose a general rule would be the larger the document or the more important, wait longer. I just know that often when I step back and look at a draft later, I always find something that can be improved upon.
Spell check. I heard this on some podcast once. It’s not hard to hit the spell check button on everything and catch any glaring errors. This shouldn’t replace your own review but if you need to fire off an email quickly, just pause for 5 seconds and hit spell check. (I did copy and paste this into Word to spell check as free WordPress has no such tool).
Family first When I was younger, I always thought guys with families were always looking for an excuse to get away from them but as I have two kids now, I realize I was way wrong. Hanging out with my family is the real treat. I do have some interests outside of my family (Freemasonry in particular) which I do like to do but, as anyone who is actively involved in Masonry can attest, it’s easy to get caught up in Masonry, or directly handling some of the rental property work that I could easily farm out. I balance this by looking at my calendar and anticipating if I’m trending toward neglecting my family. The next few are all recent and interrelated as I’ve added them to the list:
Like yourself. A few weeks back my 3.5-year-old daughter asked me “Do you like you?” which is a great question. One can’t go through life constantly berating oneself or attributing mistakes to character flaws. It’s also not hubris or cockiness to celebrate yourself when it’s earned. This is something I grappled with in the past and she just put it so succinctly… I suppose my big fear was that self-like developing into hubris and me losing my sense of humility, but I realized that there is a balance. Previously, I had been too far in the humility to the extreme to the point of limiting myself. You must like yourself and be proud. Just not overbearingly so.
Forgive yourself. I used to beat myself up over small mistakes and thought of everything as my own fault… even if out of my control. I’d think back to something stupid I did 24 years ago as a 12-year-old and beat myself up for it. I found that if I forgive my past self out loud, it eliminates that negative self-talk that comes from this recollection of the past. Once you’ve forgiven you can move on.
Have good posture. Poor posture has caused me a multitude of nagging pains. It’s not too late to be more sensible about my posture. It feels better to stand up straight… like a relief for my joints. Until my body gets tired from having had poor posture for so long.
My mistakes are not character flaws. Acknowledge them, extract the lessons, and move on. This was touched on above. We all make mistakes but instead of lamenting them and viewing them as character flaws, you just have to extract the lesson learned and move on. This is not called failure. It’s called growth. And you can’t change the past, but you can act in the present.
I can’t always control external circumstances or what has already passed but I can always choose how I respond to them. This is one I extracted from Stoicism. It’s one that I have to constantly remind myself of as a recovering worry-wort. Control what you can and accept what you can’t. If it’s out of your control, all you can do is manage how the situation affects you and how you react and adapt.
Seek out physical manifestations or “rituals” of desired internal transformation. I heard an interview on the AOM podcast about a man who said that people need rituals. I’ve gone through Masonic rituals and have gleaned something from them, so it got me thinking of other rituals I’ve gone through and the passage of different periods of my life. I can mark (in retrospect) certain moments when I’ve shed the skin of the person I use to be and distilled everything good and eliminated some impurity that was causing a bitter taste on the elixir that is Matthew Maggy. It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate, just something that is clear and is meaningful. It’s sort of goofy really but small things like this enable us to create a separation we are trying to make within ourselves but physically manifesting it.
Note: I wrote this article the April 2020 newsletter for my lodge -Richmond Randolph Lodge #19 in Richmond, VA – that I publish as Secretary of that lodge. I thought I should probably post it here. This blog will likely become a place I just dump content that I’ve written for other things.
Introduction
We know from our ritual that Hiram I, King of Tyre (pictured left) is one of our first three most-excellent Grandmasters who, by his vast wealth and resources, strengthened and supported King Solomon in the construction of the temple in Jerusalem. But who was this Hiram? Where was Tyre? Why was he so rich? Why on earth would this pagan king want to help the King of Israel build a temple?
Where is Tyre?
Geographically, Tyre is a peninsular city in what is today southwestern Lebanon. Its formation is somewhat complicated. There is Palaetrius (“Old Tyre”) and an island called Tyre. According to Heroditus (a Greek historian who visited the place c. 450 BC and learned this from some locals) the mainland Tyre was founded around 2750 BC and at some point in the next thousand years, a ruler of the City-State moved the city to an Island off the coast which became the new Tyre. Today, there is no geographic distinction between the island and the old city. When Alexander the Great was conquering the Persian Empire (650 years after Hiram’s reign) Tyre held out thinking their defenses and natural moat were impregnable. Alexander the Great (in one of history’s best “hold my beer” moments) ordered the old city (Palaetrius) to be destroyed and used the stones to form a land bridge to the island to besiege and conquer it. This land bridge, built in 333 BC remains to this day. Over the years, it has accumulated silt and other debris which have widened it to give this Lebanese peninsula its form.
Phoenecia
Why was Hiram so Wealthy?
Prior to Alexander’s terraforming activities, this island kingdom was a part of Phoenicia- several independent maritime merchant-republic city-states that dominated trade in the Mediterannean. These commerce based kingdoms spread their influence by trade rather than by force. The main cash commodity, and the basis for Tyre’s and thus Hiram’s wealth, was a purple dye known as “Tyrian Purple” that was extracted from a secretion of the predatory sea-snails that populated its shores. This dye, unlike others, did not fade in the sun but rather aged and became more brilliant. The extraction process was so involved that it made the dye outrageously expensive and thus a status symbol of royalty in the ancient world. With this snail mucus money, Tyre could patronize Tyrian astronomers to develop better navigational methods for their ships. Because the island city had such limited space, the inhabitants constructed multi-storey buildings. They thus acquired a reputation for being great masons, engineers, metalworkers, and shipbuilders.
Who was Hiram I?
Hiram I succeeded his father Abibaal in 969 BCE and reigned for 34 years. He is credited in written histories with Tyre’s vast growth in the 10th century BCE. Writing 1,000 years after Hiram’s reign, Roman Historian Flavius Josephus wrote that Hiram expanded the urban territory by projects connecting two islands or Reefs via a canal to form a single island. Furthermore, Hiram’s regional cooperation as well as his fight against Philistine pirates helped to develop trade with Arabia, and North and East Africa. Products in transit from throughout the ancient world were gathered into warehouses in Tyre, as its fortifications offered protection for valuable goods stored there on their way to their final destination.
Hiram I King of Tyre
Relationship with Israel and King Solomon
Among the kingdoms that Hiram developed close relationships with was Israel and its King, David. When David built his palace, he contacted King Hiram for assistance from Tyre’s renowned engineers and stonemasons. Hiram sent laborers and cedar to aid in its construction. David had also wanted to build a temple dedicated to God and to house the Ark of the Covenant but since he was dealing with constant war and had enemies on every side he could not accomplish his objective.
David’s son, King Solomon, succeeded his father as King of Israel. With peace pervading his kingdom, Solomon took the plans and materials that David had set aside for the temple and resumed this enterprise. Solomon contacted his father’s friend and ally, King Hiram I of Tyre, for assistance in his great and important undertaking. Solomon requested of Hiram hewn cedar and cypress wood timbers as well as overseers to supervise the workers assembling these parts in Israel.
King Hiram I responded by saying how much he liked David and considered Solomon an “equal” or “brother.” He was happy to help and provide these workers and this timber in exchange for corn “which we stand in need of, because we inhabit an island.”
Solomon “sent him yearly twenty thousand cori of wheat: and as many baths of oil. He also sent him the same measure of wine.” This partnership also ensured Hiram access to the major river and land-based trade routes to Egypt, Arabia and Mesopotamia. The two kings also jointly opened a trade route over the Red Sea, connecting the Israelite harbour of Ezion-Geber with a land called Ophir.
King Solomon’s Temple in Jerusalem
Why?
This leaves the final question: “Why?” The answer seems to boil down to a valued partnership. Hiram King of Tyre expanded his empire through commerce and partnerships rather than by force. By befriending Israel, he was able to increase the reach of his trade routes. Economic interdependence also can often breed defensive benefits. What of the question of religion? Hiram I and the Tyrians were polytheistic and largely worshiped a god called Melchart. It’s possible that King Hiram saw the God of Israel as one of many gods so this wasn’t an important distinction for him. At this time, most Mediterranean cultures were polytheistic and different city-states venerated different gods.
I hope this has added some historical context to the Masonic pillar of strength and gives the reader some interesting reading. There is probably a lot more esoteric detail about this partnership surrounding mystery schools, priests, astronomy, and the like that is beyond the scope of this article but that I encourage you to research on your own.
Sources: The geographical history is mostly from Wikipedia articles in which I back checked the sources. The story about Alexander the Great is from any number of biographies on the man. The parts about King Hiram and his relationship with King Solomon and the temple are littered throughout 1 Kings and 2 Chronicles in the Old Testament and in the writings of Josephus Flavius, a Romano-Jewish chronicler in a Book 8 of “Antiquities of the Jews.” (https://penelope.uchicago.edu/josephus/ant-8.html)
In perusing my “z-Old” folder on Google Drive I came across a folder called “Beat the Path.” This was the travel blog that I intended to keep and eventually monetize about my indefinite world travel (which ended up being 8 months).
Well, I got too caught up in actually enjoying my travels and it kind of fizzled. But in that folder, I found 5 or 6 blog posts that I wrote and never published. (I ended up not publishing any). Pictured below is the graphic I made for my blog’s banner.
Today, I would have paid someone from Fiverr to do a much nicer one.
As I read these drafts, I was brought back to events that have sort of been pushed to the back of mind what with building a settled life for the past 4 years.
Anyway, I thought it would be fun to post a couple of the better ones. The posts that I actually wrote back then are all rough drafts, so I’ve edited them a bit – mostly for grammar and typos.I’ve also inserted some commentary from 2018 Matthew.
The following posts was probably written in July of 2013 recounting the events of my first day of travel, July 12th, 2013:
A Not so Auspicious Start
After a painful goodbye (2018 Matthew note: to the person of whom I am now married!) at Richmond Airport at 9:00 AM…. I was off to my travels! I got in the TSA line to go through the usual invasive routine. I placed my meticulously packed and arranged bag (so as to fit into carry-on storage bins) on the conveyor belt. I went through the superman machine (the thing where you put your arms over your head so they can body scan and irradiate you) and got pulled aside.
I stared in horror as they tore apart that well-packed bag piece by piece, searching for whatever they thought that they saw that wasn’t there.
“No matter,” I said, “just doing their job, now off to my flight.”
Enter my layover in Boston.
I left the domestic terminal and made my way to the international terminal. I got in the TSA line to once again go through the invasive rigmarole. I once again placed my perfectly re-packed bag on the conveyor belt and walked through the super man machine.
Upon exiting the machine, I got pulled aside and watch in horror as another TSA agent ripped apart that well-re-packed bag looking for a water bottle that I forgot to throw away upon changing terminals. I didn’t realize that I would have to go through TSA again, so I carried the bottle with me to refill so as not to have to buy water at the airport for who knows what ungodly sum. Sigh.
I board my flight to Reykjavik, Iceland, land, and mentally prepare for my 8 hour layover- ready for a nice 2 hour nap (it’s 12 AM at this point).
Chatting with the nice older couple I wound up in the customs line, and accidentally left the international terminal, activating my period in the Schengen VISA area of 90 out of 160 days, which I was making a point to avoid. Since I “exited” the airport, I had to walk all of the way around the airport and go through security…. again.
No bag check. Yes!.. something going my way.
I spent the next 8 hours trying to sleep in every possible position I could imagine, getting in maybe an hour of total sleep, which was about as long as the sun goes down in Iceland in July.
Finally the time came to fly into Prestwick Airport in Glasgow, we landed, and I exited the plane. I was greeted by a customs agent that grilled me on how much money I had and how long I planned to stay being that I had no return ticket or other way out of Britain (I planned on buying a bus ticket to Paris while end London, which I did). I now had to kill 3 hours in Glasgow before catching the bus to Edinburgh. St. George Square, the one place that I wanted to see, was closed. So I bought a local SIM card for my unlocked phone, enjoyed my first pasty, and watched some street performers until the bus arrived.
Finally, I arrived in Edinburgh and followed my Couchsurfing host’s directions to her flat.
First, I walked a mile out of the way on Edinburough’s main throughfare. Eventually, I found my way and made it to where she said her flat is (Argyle Park Terrance). At least I thought it was Argyle Park Terrace, but it was actually Argyle Place.
Being exhausted from lack of sleep and toting a 20 pound backpack around for 6 hours, I arrived at the Argyle Place house and knocked.
No answer.
She said she was home and so I walked in.
Nobody there.
I walked up the stairs briefly. Nobody there.
Keep in mind that these flats are old tenements, so the apartments look just like the houses. So I knocked on the first door in the house (she said she was the first door) and a gentleman walked out. I ask for Hannah, and he responded with “who’s that?”
It appears that I had just done a home invasion.
I apologized profusely. Luckily, he was a good sport about it and helped me find the street that I was looking for which was a block away. I arrived at Hannah’s (huzzah!) introduced myself to her and her friends and commenced with the craic – which I learned from Hanna is a Scottish term for a good time or conversation. She thought it proper to explain this as I looked on with horror that this group was talking so casually about people who have good crack.
But no, that’s not where it ends.
The next day we went to Sandy Bell’s pub. I was drinking with my host and chatting with some locals at the bar while listening to some Scottish folk music. Hannah (my host) then introduced me to the two other people who live in the house that I invaded at Argyle Park Place, Shirley and Kieth.We chatted a bit talking about the irony and exchanged numbers.
I got “snackered” (Scottish speak for moderately insensible) with them and their friends the next day.
And who says crime doesn’t pay?
2018 Matthew: My Couchsurfing host, Hannah, has since become a professional, licensed tour guide in Scotland. She gave me a great tour while I was there.. and that was before she was a professional tour guide! Her website is: http://www.scotlandwithhannah.com/
Anybody who knows me knows that I am big on self-improvement. I pick up a lot from the lessons of Freemasonry. I also listen to a lot of Podcasts. Some of them are light podcasts on historical topics, but a lot of them are self-improvement (Art of Manliness, Tim Ferris Show, Art of Charm) and real estate education (Get Rich Education, Real Estate Guys, Bigger Pockets) and I pull a lot of platitudes from them that seem to stick. I posted about a bunch of them 2 years ago So, here are some of my more recently adopted maxims.
“Do the math and the math will tell you what to do.” Russel Gray of The Real Estate Guys
This is one that I get from the Real Estate Guys and also my good friend and mentor, Charles, who dropped some knowledge on me recently. This applies to any negotiation or deal, but I apply it to a BRRR (Buy, Rehab, Rent, Refinance) real estate strategy. When examining a deal, you have to plug numbers into your Bigger Pockets calculator (or other calculation device) to see how much to pay for the property for based on how much it will cost to do the rehab and how much you can safely pull out of it once the rehab is done. And don’t pay a penny more.
If you have taken the time to work all of these numbers out and you get to the bargaining table and the price goes beyond that point, you should just walk away.
Of course it’s not always that easy because there’s a lot of emotion involved, there’s the myth of sunken costs of time invested, and a whole host of distractions.
A good example of this was given to me by Charlie via anecdote. He was in a meeting with his client who was trying to sell his business. The client had carefully examined the books and the business, and had formulated a valuation of how much he thought the company was worth. When negotiations started, he saw his client getting caught up in the moment and was edging toward taking less money than his valuation. Charlie pulled his client aside and said (I paraphrase) “What about your calculations have changed from before this meeting to now?”
Boom.
His client was ignoring the math screaming out to him to walk and if not for Charlie’s wise counsel, would have walked away from the table feeling pretty bad about taking less than his company was worth.
“Overestimate your costs and underestimate your profit.” Charlie
I’m sure this concept was not coined by my mentor and Masonic Brother Charlie, but he put it so succinctly that I felt I should use that phrasing. This is such a simple concept. Sometimes when analyzing a deal, it is so tempting to give your calculations slim enough margins to try to make the deal work on paper. “Oh, well, I can shave $4k off the budget if the roof ends up being fine for another couple of years,” or estimating that you will receive the high end of the rent range for that market. (I know, I’ve done this.)
Do not do that. Avoid this line of reasoning at all costs.
If you use conservative estimates for your deal and it’s still a good deal, then if the worst case scenario happens you are still profiting. And when the best case scenario happens, you are all the more in profit.
“Be Willing to Walk Away”
This one is hard for me. How do you just walk away from something that you really want? I’ve definitely made boneheaded concessions because I wanted something so bad. Then there’s the flip side. There’s something that you don’t want all that much, but are kind of interested in, so you make a super low, almost ludicrously low (but still somewhat reasonable) offer and when they push back you just walk away.
Then, as you’re walking away, they say either they’ll take your price or counter-back at what is still a screaming deal… for something that you could have lived without in the first place. So you got a great deal!
The point isn’t to offer on things you don’t want, but to go ahead and make the low ball offer on something that you only want at really low price even if you don’t think they’ll take it.
So, to apply this to something that you do want, you just have to convince yourself that you can do without it. That will give you leverage at the negotiating table.
“Don’t count on motivation; count on discipline.” – Jocko Willink
I was listening to the Tim Ferris podcast while hanging blinds in one of the rentals and the guest was a ex-Navy Seal Jocko Willink (who is a super-human, FYI). One of the people who wrote into the show with questions asked how he stays “motivated.” To which he responded:
“Don’t count of motivation, count on discipline.”
And this totally rocked my world because we always see things about getting motivated and staying motivated, but “not being motivated” is just an excuse to be lazy or put off something hard or that you don’t want to do, but need to. It needs to get done, so you need discipline to hunker down and do it.
I feel like writing a blog post, so this is just going to be random stuff about what’s up with my life right now.
FYI: Married life is awesome.
Real Estate
First off, for our next rental property purchases we chose the “hard” difficulty level. We have purchased two single-family homes (one partially with proceeds from a 1031 Exchange sale of the condo in Reno). So for property number 1, aside from carpet paint, and various other minor repairs (replacing treads and risers on front steps), putting in appliances, and vinyl floor we have encountered these difficulties:
Rotted back door, frame, and part of the sub-floor and joists (Taken care of for a very reasonable price by BWB Construction)
Appliances in place, paint, carpet, etc. complete I then spent a week showing the house every evening to roughly 16 people (well, 16 appointments, half no showed).
Finally we get a renter and I show up Sunday evening to do some last little repairs and…..and a tree fell. Luckily it just did some minor damage to the back deck guard rail.
But man!
And the Housing Authority is suppose to come and inspect maybe as early as this week.
So I got to do my best lumberjack impression and cut of the three with a much too small chainsaw borrowed from a fellow Mason.
Looks like I’m spending part of my Saturday repairing the guardrail.
Our other property is in the middle of a renovation loan (also with BWB Construction doing the work) and all was going okay until we needed to drop the power line to complete the fascia repairs and Dominion (the power company who also happens to own every government official in Virginia) says they can’t come out until October 24th… when our rate lock on the loan expires.
Sigh.
Luckily BWB got on the phone with them to come out earlier (although they were suppose to come out 2 days ago, but still haven’t).
Otherwise, things are going well there.
Wrestling
One of the best things about living in Richmond, VA is that the WWE comes through here 3 or 4 times per year for live events, TV shows, and sometimes PPVs.
Last Friday, Melanie and I went to NXT at the Altria Theater. This was the set up for those who are curious:
Best match of the night was Austin Aries vs. Cedrick Alexander from a wrestling match perspective.
The most entertaining matches were Samoa Joe/Bobby Roode vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/No Way Jose and Asuka vs. Aaliyah because of the personalities of who were involved.
The Smarkiness of the event led to much more fun crowd and lots of chants, singing along, and all the things that us rasslin’ fans like to do.
Backlash, the WWE PPV, had two really awesome matches in Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz for the Intercontinental Title and AJ Styles winning the WWE title from Dean Ambrose.
For any long time wrestling fan, AJ Styles holding the WWE title seems like some fantasy land as of 5 years ago.
By the way, we sprung for the nicer seats for the PPV…
49ers
How about them 49ers? Man, we are terrible. Chip Kelly, Blaine Gabbert… our team is like the frickin’ Island of Misfit Toys.
Richmond Tour Guys
The tour business is a little on auto-pilot as I have turned my attention to getting these two rental properties together. Luckily I have an incredible guide in Michael Thomas who has been massively taking up the slack. It’s impossible to convey to him how much easier he has made my time management.
So far this year, we have given tours to over 825 people between regular walking tours, private tours, and custom tour packages. I swell with pride knowing that something that I started has been apart of 825 people’s vacations. They could spend their visit to Richmond doing anything… and they chose the Richmond Tour Guys.
Also, we brought on a new guide, Ray. He will start doing tours on weekdays, which is an area that I’ve longed to explore since the Tour Guys’ inception in 2014. Unfortunately it’s starting in October and November, which are traditionally less well attended.
As for the bad:
I had a couple of good private tours lined up including an Executive tour complete with an Executive Coach that cancelled; and a tour for a retirement home that I spent 10.5 hours routing, writing a script for, and practicing for them to cancel and thus, the Richmond tour guys has a new policy:
20% or $50 deposit for all specialized private tours!
New Phone: Blue Life One X2
I just got a new phone since the screen on my old phone (Huawei P8 Light) got shattered by an errant phone drop.
I don’t sign contracts for cel phones after I signed a 2 year contract with AT&T and submerged the phone I got from it in the river. So now I just buy unlocked smart phones by lesser known companies and I have not had a bad experience yet.
After cruising cNet, I ended up getting the Blue Life One X2 Android phone which has an octacore 1.4ghx processor, 4gb of memory, 64gb storage, 16 mp back, and 8mp front camera.
All of which the internet tells me is good.
I bought this one for $180 (normally $200, $180 special pre-sale price).
So far the phone is great. It’s way faster than the old one, I don’t have to worry about running out of space for podcasts, and the screen is bigger. The camera is also twice as good (literally, the old phone was 8mp). CNET rated it the best smart phone under $250 and honestly, since I’m not gaming or doing anything intense with my phone, I don’t really need the Samsung Awesome.
Freemasonry
In August I was all about working on Historic Mason’s Hall, the 1785 building in Shockoe Bottom that is the oldest lodge in the US continuously used for Masonic purposes. Then everything else took a back seat to real estate for the last month or so and probably will for 2 or 3 more weeks.
Efforts for the lodge are going strong.. slow and steady, but strong. We recently got a donation from the Sons of the Revolution and have embarked on a Facebook Ads fundraising campaign that has had some success. We have a great core group of guys who care about the building and are willing to put in the time to make saving it happen.
One of the things that we’re finding is how a little cleaning can go a long way:
I also recently discovered podcasts about Freemasonry. The one I’ve been listening to most is Masonic Roundtable. It features two Virginia Masons, so it’s got a lot of relevance to me.
I especially like the historical episodes such as on the Morgan Affair, the Baltimore Convention of 1843, and the episode on Prince Hall Freemasonry which is the traditionally African American branch of Freemasonry (we are working on bringing things together).
It also covers some more esoteric topics such as “memento mori,” or reflecting upon death and how we should make the most of the time we have on this plane of existence.
I reiterate as I did in my post about Freemasonry that Freemasonry is not a religion or cult, and it is non-denominational.
Networking is very important for success. This is pretty common knowledge. It’s not what you know as much as it is who you know. LinkedIn and other social networks are good up to a point, but nothing can replace planting your mug in front of folks.
Up until about 6 or so months ago I hated going to “networking” meetings. I was MORTIFIED at the thought of
Awkwardly making small talk with complete strangers
Ending up in awkward conversational pauses
Getting caught in conversations with people who aren’t that interesting
Not knowing what to talk about
Not knowing anybody
Possibly being the guy standing alone in the corner looking at and swirling their drink
It’s an entirely nerve wracking experience.
Through a lot of research and sucking it up and attending some of these things, I have learned a thing or two. I am now perfectly comfortable in these types of environments.
So, in an effort to reach out to those who need to do this in-person networking type stuff, but have all of the same fears that I did, I am making this guide to assuage those anxieties and give you some tools to function well at these type of things.
I am by no means a master networker/connector/anything like that, but I have been in the shoes of people who are terrified by the prospect of having to attend something like this and want to help.
I will put forth that I am working from a base line of general extroversion and thriving pretty well in small groups, even if it is strangers (events with 7 or more people still intimidated me to the point of not attending). I get that I was a little higher up on a comfort scale than many who will have to attend these things, but we all start from somewhere right?
1. Many of the people at these events feel the exact same way
Yes.
The number one thing that I learned from looking up the abundance of articles on how to cope with these anxieties was that I’m obviously not the only one who has them. Most of the people at the event that you are attending aren’t social butterflies who can shake hands, slap backs, and work a room like a politician during election season. A lot of them have the same anxieties about working a room full of strangers that you do.
Take solace in that. You are not alone.
2. Consistency in attendance. Don’t try to meet everyone in one night.
A popular misconception about these events is that you have to “make the sale” right then and there. You have to go there, pitch your product/service, and hand out business cards to everybody in that room before the nights done.
It’s not a one and done prospect.
Your best bet is to choose 1 or 2 groups/organizations, show up to all of the events, talk to a few people at each event until either the event is over or the conversation dies (more on striking up conversation later), leave.
If you hit it off, or have something further to talk about with those folks, then follow up after the meeting and set something up (more on that later). If you don’t have any interest in a relationship with them, then don’t follow up. Say hi to them at the next event. You should try to remember people’s names (I am not known for being good at this), but if you don’t, it’s fine. They probably didn’t remember your either. And if they do, it means you were memorable and interesting.
Hopefully the event has name tags that you can try to subtly check out.
At the next event, do the same exact thing. Have good conversations with a few people. Follow up or don’t.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Over time you’ll have met several people at these events and a lot of people will know you.
The important thing is to not spread yourself too thin over several random groups. I already sort of have issues with this because I have real estate investor groups as well as history-based groups that I try to balance, but they can be somewhat related since I work for a General Contractor.
3. How the f*** do I get into a group of people to talk with them?
This is always one that made me feel the most awkward. A couple of people or a group of people is standing around having a conversation and you don’t want to just stand there and be weird.
Here’s a simple guideline
1) If the group is a closed circle or two people are facing each other square, then they’re really deep into a conversation, do not go in.
2) If there is an open space in a group, or two people are standing and talking in sort of like a V with their bodies angled out into the space in an open sort of posture, then they are INVITING somebody else to join.
Just stand in that spot and start listening. It’s not awkward, that’s just how you insert yourself into these conversations. Eventually somebody will introduce themselves to you which is your invitation to meet the group, shake hands, exchange names, and make with the chit-chat (more on what to chit-chat about later). If no one introduces themselves to you (odds are slim that they won’t) wait until a conversational lull, throw out a hand and make an introduction.
It definitely feels weird at first, but when you try it once and see that it works you’ll be like “Oh…. that was easy.”
You just have to get over yourself.
Personally, I prefer groups of 3 or more. The conversation is less likely to die down when there are more people.
One thing that I always try to do as a former Networking-ophobic is to always make space for someone who even kind of looks like they are alone and trying to join the conversation circle. Even going so far as to invite them in.
It’s actually a really interesting dynamic. The group will expand into a circle, and as it reaches critical mass to where there’s like 8 people in a giant circle, side conversations begin and the circles divide like a single celled organism splitting itself.
If you see a person standing by themselves they are fair game. Go and strike up a conversation about whatever. If anything, they may be that awkward person who isn’t sure how to approach people and you have made the event much better for them. And they might have a lot to offer and be an interesting person.
4. What do I talk about? NOT yourself.
What am I suppose to talk about with these people? Well, you aren’t suppose to talk. People don’t really care about what you have to say, but they LOVE talking about themselves. Just ask them questions about them. Always ask open-ended questions
Here’s some questions:
What brings you here today/tonight? This is pretty obvious. The one thing that you and this other person have in common is that you are both there for some reason. This can lead to all sorts of off-shoots of topics.
What do you do? : Basic questions. It’s a baseline. Sometimes they can give you enough with this where you can riff of of with questions for a while. For example “I’m an architect” can be followed up by “What sort of buildings to you design?” “What got you into that?” “Where did you study” and you can just go on asking questions.
Where are you from?: You could share something you know about it and ask them about that, talk about a place that’s somewhat close and ask if they’ve been, you can ask why they left, where they went to college, etc.
The important thing to remember is to have a genuine interest in the person’s story. Personally, I love knowing people’s stories and all about them. You can ask a ton of questions and go pretty deep without touching on sensitive subject matter. If they mention that their parents passed away, I wouldn’t ask “how?” Or something along those lines.
Also, if the person really has nothing interesting you can probe about… see the section on ending conversations.
Of note, unless it’s a political event, or a religious event, don’t talk politics, religion, or anything that could possibly put you at odds with someone there on a personal level.
5. Conversation Enders
A lot of time you get caught up in a situation where you guys have nothing left to talk about. You can both tell that the conversation is ending, but not quite sure how to separate.
You look around to try to bring somebody else in to freshen up the conversation…nobody.
This simple phrase works wonders:
“Well, it was great talking to you!” And move on.
Yes, it’s that simple. You are both looking for a way to end the conversation and move on to something else, it just takes someone with the balls to acknowledge that the conversation is dead and rip the band-aid off.
You will be relieved, they will be relieved.
If you want to be non-confrontational about it, or this seems too sudden then the following solutions are available to you. (These also work if it’s someone who is just yammering about bullsh*** or is uninteresting).
1) “It was nice talking, I have to get with so-and-so to follow up about (X)” And go join another group or person. Even if you don’t know them or have anything to talk about, just start a new conversation. It’s much better if it’s somebody you’ve met before though, so you can catch up.
2) “I have to run to the restroom.” Go to the restroom. If you don’t have to go, just look in the mirror and make sure your tie’s straight. Also, maybe wash your hands since you’ve probably just shaken a bunch of hands.
You can only go to the well with this one so many times before people have seen you run to the bathroom 4 times in an hour.
3) “I’m out, I need to go grab a drink” Keep a small amount of drink in your glass, finish it, and use the old bar excuse. Get caught up in a conversation with someone else at the bar.
Once again, I emphasize, everybody is at these things to network, so most people will be on the same page with you of trying to talk to more than one person, or ending a conversation that’s going nowhere.
6. How to Follow Up
Okay, so you’ve made a connection.You and the other person either get along great, or can potentially do business.
This is probably the most important part.
Admittedly, since I’m new to the whole networking event thing, I have substantially less experience with follow up. This is also an area that I need to work on getting better at. Thus, I present to you this Forbes article that I have found to be accurate based on experience and podcasts such as the Art of Charm that I have listened to.
If you have met someone earlier in the event, or during a different event for the group and meet someone who they might have a common interest with, introduce them! Even if you don’t connect with these folks automatically, they will remember that you are the one who introduced them. Even if they don’t associate their acquaintance with you, you have helped some people out and have built up some good karma.
8. Don’t Drink Too Much
Enjoying a cocktail or two is fine, but don’t be that guy/girl who gets drunk to deal with the fact that they can’t handle social situations. It’s a social lubricant up to a point…. break up your drinks with water to hydrate.
That’s about the gist of it. The most important thing to remember is that anything that you’re feeling as far as anxiety, awkwardness, whatever.. you’re not the only one.
And once you are comfortable moving about a room at a networking event, be sure to make room for or talk to the person standing by themselves awkwardly staring down at their drink and introduce them to some other folks.
It is the 7th year for the Richmond Jewish Food Festival… and it gets better every year.
The festival had it’s beginnings in the Kiniseth Beth Israel Temple… after 5 years, it got crowded and moved to The Weinstein Jewish Community Center. I had never been to this festival before and was expecting long lines to get the food. The line was long, but it went by swiftly.
As for food, they of course served traditional Jewish food of Eastern European origin, but also offered some Israeli food, which is more Mediterranean and Middle-Eastern in flavor. I opted for the traditional food: Brisket Dinner which was Brisket and 2 sides (a steal at $15!):
My plate: Cholent, Knish, Brisket, cabbage rolls
On the left is Cholent, which is a traditional Jewish stew made as an end-around of not being able to cook on the Sabbath since this stew could feed everyone for the whole day. It’s ingredients are as varied as the people who make it and can include, lentils, beans, rice, various meats (not pork, of course), rice, barley, oats, etc.
On the right is a Knish which is a filling inside of some dough that is either baked or fried. Mine was filled with what looked like Potato, but I guess it can contain everything from rice, to meat, to veggies.
There is of course the brisket, which is smoked beef.
The other sides that I got were the Cabbage Roll…. a ground beef, tomato, rice mixtures stuffed inside of cabbage which has become to underdog hit of the Jewish Food Festival over the years.
Also, no Jewish food festival is complete without Latke’s, the famous and delicious potato pancake.
Latkes and Israeli Sampler
We also got the Israeli sampler which was Shwarma (meat grilled on a rotating stick and shaved off and stuffed into a tortilla type thing) and Falafel (Mashed, fried Chickpeas). All with a bit of Hummus.
Entry to the event is free and the total for all of this food (and it was A LOT of food) plus two beers was $47. The Brisket Plate with 2 sides is only $13. A steal.
Bubbie’s Bakery provided lots of sweets and treats. Personally, I can’t go without some Baklava and a couple Macaroons.
What really struck me was how organized the whole thing was. There was a really long line that moved very fast. Once you got to the front, you were sent to a certain numbered booth (all of the booths sold the same thing) with your group to get your food, then there were 6 or 7 registers set up to take payments. It was all very streamlined which I’m sure was developed over several years of trial and error.
There was also several vendors selling various items, Jewish music, and some information on the Jewish culture.
Richmond actually has a long history of a Jewish population, but that’s another story for another post….
If you’re a local, or you are visiting Richmond, it’s definitely worth checking this delicious food festival out. You will not find good, homemade Jewish food like this anywhere else in Richmond.
And if you do… tell me where! at Matthew@richmondtourguys.com
and a tree fell. Luckily it just did some minor damage to the back deck guard rail.
Matthew Maggy 