Book Report: Age 37

I read nine books between my 37th and 38th birthday and completed five more that I had partially read over the past three or four years. I read somewhere that the average American reads four books per year (more like the mean than the average) so I figured I’d shoot for that. With a busy schedule of a young family, freemasonry, work, and real estate stuff, I figured I’d shoot for seven. So while not impressive by more learned men’s standards, I’m proud of my nine and some change. I’d like to keep that pace.

The books are really a big mix of different topics. Some are for pleasure, some were specifically for learning.

This really came up as I was writing some random musings and then I wrote a section on books that turned into this. It ended up being a reflection on the books I’ve read in the past year. I figured because I feel like it and this is my blog that no one else really reads, I would go ahead and post it. It’s also putting some content so this attempt to SEO myself and my unique name doesn’t fall down the search engine pages. And maybe, someone who is into similar things as me will find it useful.

So here we go:

“Son of Thunder” by Henry Meyer 

This is a biography of Patrick Henry – the “give me liberty or give me death” founding father. The book is good  for what it is. As often happens when authors draw from historical documents to create a narrative, it can seem a  little dry at times. What they often end up doing is filling in the details with more general information about that time period. This ends up also producing a snapshot of life and politics in Colonial and early American Virginia. This is actually one of the nice things about these kinds of books as it’s a similar narrative told from a different perspective.

Henry learned his fiery oratorical style from firebrand Presbyterian ministers and really was principled in most of his political views. He was another founding father contradiction on the topic of slavery but I’m able to accept that as a flaw in his character rather than throwing the baby out with the bathwater. 

It’s pretty interesting though in that he was anti-constitution ratification and many of his arguments against it leading to a centralizing executive authority and bureaucracy have come to pass. Of course part of that is Congress has seemed to gradually cede that power through inaction over the past few decades. Henry’s assertion was that the executive would take power intentionally by force.

I originally procured this book to aid myself in the tour business that I used to have and started this one in like 2018 during a trip back home to Nevada/California. I got maybe a quarter way through before putting it down. In 2022, then needing to fall asleep, I decided to pick up this tome and actually got super into it. Go figure.

Here’s a video from the local Church where this 2nd Virginia Convention and Henry’s speech took place.

“Light Ages’ ‘ by Seb Falk 

My buddy Lane actually gave this to me about the time I started getting into astronomy. It’s about medieval scientific advancement and technologies prior to the enlightenment and centered around John Whyck, a monk from England who spent time on the continent. The biggest thing I pulled from it was the wondrousness of the astrolabe which was sort of like a medieval smart phone that could tell you the time, seasons, find constellations, navigate, measure height of objects, and a whole host of other things. 

The book gets a little hard to follow in the middle when Falk describes the counting and calculation methods that the monks used. That’s actually when I put it down maybe 50 pages in in 2021. I picked it back up this year and powered through the hard to follow section. Very good decision. 

Thanks Lane!

It also inspired me to request an astrolabe for Christmas.

“The Left Hand of Destiny” by JG Hertzler 

This is a part of the Star Trek Deep Space 9 novel series focusing on General Martok after the TV show’s finale. I sparsely started it in 2020 and decided to finish it since after the Henry book, I went on a mission to wrap up unfinished book business. 

It is a two part series about General Martok heading back to Q’onos as the Klingon High Chancellor and some events thereafter. If you’ve ever read a Star Trek expanded universe novel then it’s pretty on par. If reading “War and Peace” by Leo Tolstoy is a steak dinner, this is more like devouring a tasty but not really filling bag of potato chips.

Still, I’ve read a ton of post-finale DS9 stuff and they’re all interesting, easy reads if you love the series.

“A Brief History of Everything” by Bill Bryson

A few years ago I got into stargazing and amateur astronomy and quickly realized I don’t know anything about any science. 

I read “Until The End of Time” by Brian Greene in 2020 to try to get a layman’s overview of quantum physics and wanted something that gave a layman’s overview of various scientific topics. 

My father-in-law recommended this book for that. 

This book definitely delivered. It’s about 23 years old but holds up very well. Bryson is a pretty prolific writer (though I’ve only ever read this book of his). Since he’s an author, not a scientist, he goes around interviewing various experts on topics relating to all fields of science to get a general overview of each area which is generally told in the context of more specific sites he visits.

I really liked the bit on enlightenment efforts to measure the world and the geology/history of comets landing on earth as well as the effect of volcano eruptions. We have all these ideas of nuclear war and climate change ending life on earth but in an instant a giant meteor can come and decimate our civilization or the yellowstone geyser could burst and snuff out life on most of the continent. 

Very humbling.

“King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine” by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette

I listened to one of the Art of Manliness podcasts (you’ll hear this referenced a lot because it really is the best podcast I listen to), and he interviewed someone who was talking about Jungian Archetypes and relating them to personal development. The interviewee brought up this book so I thought I’d check it out for some personal development. 

The gist is that in all of our personalities are these four archetypes mentioned in the title. Each has an ideal and each has two shadow forms. For example, the ultimate is the “King” but they have shadow archetypes of the “Tyrant” and the “Weakling” and fulfilling the ultimate version of these four archetypes is balancing the positive aspects of shadow forms. The tyrant uses too much power and force to get his way, but it’s important to be willing to go to battle if needed. The weakling will be much more fearful and thus cautious.  It’s good to be prepared for battle but not reckless in pursuing it when it can be avoided. 

Peep the graphic I stole from an Art of Manliness series.  I find it to be one of the frameworks that I try to integrate into my personal development regime. Here is also a series on the topic from AOM.

https://www.artofmanliness.com/character/behavior/king-warrior-magician-lover-introduction/)

It really reminds me of a yin and yang type thing where the elements of both need to intermix. I ended up relating it to the Masonic philosophy and moral framework as a supplement. I can’t confess to being an expert on this topic but it does help me recognize the darker traits coming out in myself and balancing them out to achieve the “mature masculine” archetypes. It’s part of my increasing interest in dualism as it regards balancing the various energies and forces within.

To someone just reading the title it may seem like it’s espousing some childish form of masculinity touted by guys like Andrew Tate and the like but it’s more like a manliness akin to Dwight Eisenhower. It’s definitely a good read for any man into personal development.

”Goddesses in Every Woman” by Jean Shinoda-Bolen 

After finishing the book above and liking this Jungian framework on masculinity, I realized that with raising daughters and spending my life with my wife, it might give me some insight to help understand them if I read a Jungian framework on femininity. I did some research and found this book to be the best recommendation.

Shinoda-Bolen  relates different female archetypes by example of different Greek goddesses. It’s actually the basis for the whole “Goddess Feminism” genre that got out of hand in the 90s that you may have seen panned in the sit-com Friends where they reference “stealing another goddess’ thunder.” 

Make no mistake, this was the original.

Shinoda-Bolen’s context here is more rooted in equality feminism without a lot of the more postmodern baggage some of this literature is written with today. She is a Jungian Psychologist, feminist, and a mother so she provides a great perspective. 

I came to understand some of the archetypes that the women in my life resemble and it gives some great tips on raising girls who display some of those characteristics of the different archetypes. One does need to be careful not to use these archetypes as a hard framework and try to pigeon hole people into these exact descriptions.

Actually, writing this makes me realize I need to go back and reread some of the chapters as my kids get older.

“John Marshall: Definer of a Nation” by Jean Edward Smith

This was another book where I wanted to learn about a historical figure who had an impact on the nation. I actually have a latent desire to become a John Marshall Chautauqua reenactor so this was going to be my first foray into learning the character. Since that will not be an endeavor I can take on any time soon, I just left it at this book for now.

It was a great overall view of Marshall’s life, his major Supreme Court decisions, his political life in Richmond and Virginia, and a whole lot of background information on Colonial and early US history. This was the book that I found most recommended as a good pop-history overview of Marshall’s life and impact.

The thing that stuck out to me most about Marshall was that this guy was first, very intelligent and very affable. Secondly, that he was just generally a “dude.” He liked to hang out late in taverns and drink with his buddies, and socialize, but not to excess. By doing this, he became very well connected and exchanged a lot of ideas about government and culture with other learned and/or influential men. I learned a ton of biographical information about him that I never knew: his time in the Virginia Militia, his role in getting the constitution ratified in Virginia, and his relation to Virginia politics.

What I really appreciate about the man now is that this is a guy who made his way by virtue of being intelligent, supremely competent, and incredibly affable. He is a great example of the “natural aristocracy” that has to do more with merit than with lineage.

I would recommend this more if you’re just interested in the topic as it’s about 500 pages – though it’s not dry at all.

“An Immense World” by Ed Yong

I actually ended up getting this book delivered to me from Amazon without having ordered it. There was no gift receipt. No one I knew had sent it when I asked on social media or texted those I thought would have. It just ended up in my hands. 

Weird. 

Anyway, being curious as I am, I read the description and thought “well that sounds interesting.” And it was.

Ed Yong basically explores how different animals and forms of life perceive and interpret the world via their senses which is called “Umwelt.” For example: dogs primarily use their sense of smell and only have cones in their eyes to receive two kinds of colors on the spectrum. Their way of experiencing the world via smell and vision is so different than we can even begin to perceive. Many birds can see in the “ultraviolet” color spectrum and can detect soundwaves and tones which human’s can’t perceive. Bats use sonar and hairs which track the wind and air around them to conduct their movements. Bees can sense electromagnetic fields.

It got me thinking how being hard of hearing in my right ear makes me perceive and move through the world completely different than someone with their full hearing. Or how someone who is blind perceives the world in a way that I can’t even fathom.

This book that came to me by accident was mind expanding. Sometimes the deity just reaches out and says “you need this!” I suppose.

It’s not super sciency and the content is written in a pretty accessible way. He gets a little preachy on climate change in the last chapter. Which is fine and merited but sort of seems shoehorned in rather than a natural extension of the topic of the book. 

“Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen

After I read the aforementioned book, I wanted to pick up a literary “classic.” 

Bret McKay of Art of Manliness (there they are again) interviewed an English professor who wrote a book on “Jane Austen for Dudes” (https://www.artofmanliness.com/living/reading/podcast-871-jane-austen-for-dudes/) which piqued my interest. My wife loves Jane Austen so after I finished Immense World, and was looking for a classic to read, I realized that there was a bookshelf full of them in my bedroom and picked up this book.

And you know what? I could not put that book down.

I was audibly laughing at some of the scenes and confusion that ensued between Mr. Darcy and Eliza Bennet and all the other funny characters in the book. Once you get used to the Victorian language, it is a very entertaining and easy book to read. I wouldn’t say I gained any great insights (other than maybe the superfluities of the 19th century English class system), but it was thoroughly entertaining and the dialogue was off the chain dryly humorous. It was also actually a book I could then talk to my wife about.

Then I watched the BBC mini-series with Colin Firth and that gave me a whole different context. Although- I have to say- the book was better…

I’ll probably pick up another Jane Austen book at some point in the future (being that all of them are on my bookshelf thanks to my wife). I’ve heard “Emma” is one of the better ones.

Read the book for free on Guttenberg here.

“Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss

This is a book on negotiation from a former FBI hostage negotiator. It’s less about the technical back and forth and exchange that some negotiation experts use but is more a book on psychology. I liken it to negotiation as less of a hard science and more of a social science.

I had actually already read it a couple of years ago  because I had been thinking I needed to learn some negotiation skills and then heard the author interviewed on Get Rich Education and picked it up. I decided to give another thorough read through because I always forget to use the tools I read about in the book. 

The one time I did use them a lot, I ended up negotiating a great deal but it was a circumstance where I was in a position of power from the outset so I don’t know how much of it was the principles in the book or the circumstances. 

Either way, I figure after a second thorough read through, I can probably just reference it occasionally. It really made me realize that I need to take better notes about books that I read.

“How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” by Dale Carnegie

Another Art of Manliness referral. Brett interviewed Joe Hart on Carnegie’s advice in the 21st century and they mentioned this book by Carnegie that is less talked about than the other one I read 20 or so years ago, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” (another timeless classic). 

This book is more like a toolkit for dealing with worry and stress.Each chapter presents a different tool for dealing with stress and worry and they’re bundled together by the types or causes of worry.

 Some of the references to “dispepsia” and things like that are dated but the principles he talked about to get rid of “melancholy,” prevent ulcers, and prevent heart attacks still apply today. This is another one I keep on the back of the toilet and reference occasionally. Particularly if I’m having trouble sleeping due to worry. 

The biggest principle I’ve applied is gratitude (which I’ve also pulled from other texts). 

The other one I’ve pulled out is the self “pep talk.” Sometimes you just need to look in the mirror and pump yourself up to get in the right mind frame for life. On the AOM broadcast, Brett mentioned the “Stewart Smally” skit from early 90s Saturday Night Live (see below) but it’s really funny that it actually works. The problem is that I forget to do it daily. Maybe I need to leave some sort of reminder for it.

This book is, like all of Carnegie’s books, an easy, entertaining, and effective read that will likely be one of those books I gift to people.

“Human Compatible” by Stuart Russel

A few months ago I got really caught up in the hoopla and fear mongering over Artificial Intelligence after listening to Lex Friedman interview Max Tegmark, Sam Altman, and Eliezer Yudkowsky who are all on different areas of the spectrum on the topic. I started to get a little panicked. One of the notes in Carnegie’s book on worry is along the lines of get more information about it and it won’t be as scary. I realized I needed some overview of this topic that didn’t involve learning crazy levels of math and programming to be able to think critically, at least on a rudimentary level, about it.  A bit of research led me to Russel’s book for a good general overview of artificial intelligence.

Russel reviews how artificial intelligence works differently than human intelligence, the history of AI, the potential issues with self learning, human use of AI, benefits of human use of AI, and prescribed a potential path forward. It’s one I really need to re-read and take some notes on because it’s a little dense (though not necessarily inaccessibly technical) and I can’t really recall a ton of specifics.

Learning about it did alleviate some of my more panic-inducing fear on the topic.

“Growing Up First Born” by Dr. Kevin Leman

This book was given to me by a friend and when people gift me books, I usually read them out of respect for their thoughtfulness in giving it. I almost always enjoy them. Which, I suppose, is why they thought of me.

The premise is that this psychologist holds that your birth order can determine a lot about your personality. A first born is someone who is the first born child, the first born of their gender, or born 5 or more years after their last sibling. Leman posits that they all tend to share similar traits.

I actually took really good summary notes on this one after reading each section, as I found the information useful. It pointed out to me things that I didn’t think were traits of mine but really are. For example: perfectionism. I never considered myself a perfectionist because I am the type to sort of say “eh, good enough” and don’t wait until the final version to put it out there (just look at this blog post for myriad examples). I also tend to get a lot done but without taking the time to review it or think it completely through. Where it expresses itself with me is beating myself up for small mistakes. I really am the king at this. Even if the mistake happened 25 years ago. The author gives a lot of tips on dealing with that. 

The other trait I see in myself is “over-responsibility.” Taking on too much “because someone needs to do it and if I don’t, it won’t get done” or taking on other people’s problems. This is a big one for me.

He also gives tips on raising first born children which I’ve adopted some of. It has really saved my sanity with my oldest.

It’s a pretty easy and accessible pop-psychology read but it cut to my core and really gave me some tools to deal with these specific traits. Are they really due to my birth order? (5 years younger than my older sibling) I’m not sure, but the advice still holds true. 

It’s worth noting that this book was written in 1989 so some of the references are dated. The advice, however, is timeless.

Some Final Thoughts

After writing this introduction and completing this list and descriptions, I actually found it very pleasant to reflect on these books and what I learned from them, what I liked, what I didn’t like, and how they made me feel. 

I don’t know if I can keep up this pace of reading. I don’t speed read any of these but I can’t confess to absorbing every bit of the non-fiction ones in detail or exploring the deeper meanings of some of the literary classics. 

I just picked up Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy since I loved War and Peace so much. This was actually another one that my wife had on the bookshelf that I decided to pick up because why not? I like Tolstoy’s writing style (or at least the translations of it) and there’s a reason it’s a classic right?

One of the ways I found to keep up is that I always have a book that I can have electronically on my phone that I can read in waiting rooms, while on the toilet at work, waiting in line at the DMV, etc. Between the phone version, my night stand reading, and then my back of the toilet book, I’ve usually got 2 or 3 books going at once.

I also started and didn’t finish a couple of books this year- Hero With a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbel (another Jungian one with the “hero’s journey”) and “Masonry and Astronomy.” Maybe I’ll revisit those this year. I was reading the Campbell book on my phone but it’s pretty hard to follow so I really need a physical copy and to put some steady brain power into it.

Anyway, I hope if anyone actually reads this, they find it useful. Maybe I’ll do the same thing next year.

Guiding Principles

Over the years, I’ve read a lot of articles, had a lot of experience, steeped myself in Masonic philosophy, talked to a lot of mentors, and listened to a ton of podcasts. I’ve been making an effort to distill the lessons I’ve gleaned that guide my conduct and comportment into a Google Docs entitled “Guiding Principles” and I decided that, for lack of having posted anything here for two years, that I would post these guiding principles here.
I’ll elaborate on some of them and how I learned them. This is basically an internal tool and isn’t meant to apply to everyone.
Lord knows I don’t have everything figured out.
I hope to pass these principles onto my children and that they will build on this or create their own list.
This is a list I aspire to because, God knows, we are not all perfect and are always chipping away at ourselves to live up to the person we know we should be.

Don’t criticize people in public. Give criticism in private.
This is one that I read in Dale Carnegie’s “Win Friends and Influence People” but really stuck home when I was watching the John Adams Miniseries on HBO (which everyone should watch as Paul Giamatti is transcendent as John Adams) and Ben Franklin (played by Tom Wilkinson) tells Adam during the 2nd Continental Congress when Adams calls out John Dickinson of Pennsylvania in front of everybody and insults him. They inserted a Ben Franklin quote into this conversation where Franklin chides him, and Adams responds (I’m paraphrasing this whole conversation) “Well should I insult him in private?” and Ben replies “Perfectly acceptable. He may even thank you for it.” We are egotistical and social animals and if we are made to look foolish in front of the tribe it can be quite devastating. It’s best to pull someone aside and offer wise counsel.
A perfect example is when someone sends a group email and forgets to attach something or makes a clear error. Don’t Reply-All. Reply to them or even call them and let them know.

Don’t throw people under the bus just to make myself look better.
Honestly, this one is just common sense and really just stems from my internal moral compass. Blaming someone else to someone isn’t really going to accomplish your task.

Sometimes it’s really hard not to but I’ve found that it doesn’t resolve anything except maybe making you look not as bad.

Praise people publicly.
Here’s another one from Dale Carnegie. Praise publicly, criticize privately. Both are lifting people up. Making them look good in front of the group boosts their ego, gives them a favorable opinion of you, and giving them the positive vibes will beget positive vibes.

Don’t vent on social media.
I know way too many people who vent personal, political, and other stuff on social media. Airing your dirty laundry to thousands or millions of people to be held on the internet for posterity is never a good idea, especially when done impulsively. You may get some sympathy from a few people but mostly it’s just sort of annoying. If you don’t have an in-person or one-on-one outlet to deal with this stuff, find one. I’m sure you know at least one person in that friend list or follower in person who you can go to with this stuff.

Lying is too much work. It’s easier to be honest and deal with the consequences.
This is just basic morality but if that isn’t good enough think about how much work it is. “Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.”

As a teen, I told a lot of tall tales which any probing into could have been identified as complete BS. I told them because my ego was fragile, and I had a poor self-image and wanted to make myself look good. It was a lot of small things, but I had no compunction about doing it. I’m not trying to cast myself as some completely dishonest person. None of these lies affected anybody else negatively but I really learned my lesson my first week of college.

From 15-18 I maintained a big lie (the content of which shouldn’t be aired on the internet) that just seemed to snowball and was maintained by me for 3.5 years until one day when I was 18, it completely blew up on me. At that moment I had the realization that I just had to be honest no matter the consequences, even if it made me look bad.

One lie begets another lie when people probe, which begets another lie when people probe further until eventually you get tangled in the web of lies and your lies become contradictory, and you lose yourself. A host of small lies easily adds up to a big headache.

Don’t try to cover up your mistakes, just come clean, and figure out how to fix them.

Bring a host gift.
Here’s one I’ve picked up from various sources and my friend Greg. It’s usually a classy move to bring some sort of gift the for the host if you’re staying with them or if you’re coming to a party. The more thoughtful the better but it’s best to not show up empty handed. My best recommendation is something consumable so that they don’t end up with a bunch of tchotchkes unless it’s something you think they’ll really like and use. It just leaves a good impression.

Plans are useless but planning is indispensable. Make a plan.
This is a gem which is attributed to President Dwight D. Eisenhower. This is probably my favorite piece of advice that I’ve tried to internalize over the last few years. It’s important to plan and make a plan to meet an objective. By doing this, you sit down and think through scenarios, possibilities, alternate routes, checkpoints, critical path, etc. and formulate your plan of action. Inevitably, something will happen that throws your plans slightly or even way off track but if you’ve thought through various approaches and scenarios, you’re armed with the information that you need to make changes on the fly to account for those unforeseen circumstances to mitigate the negative effects or even turn them into a positive.
For a whole life plan, once I settled down at the age of 28, I started making much more solid life plans and planning accordingly and, with some obstacles and changes, has fallen in place.
Where I’ve only recently really internalized this is in smaller scenarios. Creating an agenda for meetings, writing down what I want to discuss ahead of time, thinking through individual scenarios.
I plan to write a separate post on how I have applied this to a smaller situation.

Be Early.
This has been hammered into me by multiple people multiple times.

My dad was always huge on punctuality (I guess as a newspaper man he was big on deadlines). My football coaches in high school (go Chiefs!) always said “if you’re early you’re on time, if you’re on time you’re late, if you’re late you’re forgotten.” And back then, to me, it was just a disciplinary thing. I did it because I was supposed to. Then a brother from my Masonic lodge back in Reno was explaining to me why, aside from making sure you arrive on time, it’s important to be 15 minutes early.

You can use the restroom. You have time to find your way if you’re lost and not be late. You can make sure you’re physically put together (check your hair, tie, untucked shirt, etc.). You can mentally prepare yourself, review your notes, or just be mindful to get your head in the right space. By planning to be early, you also give yourself some fudge time (especially important if you have small kids you’re trying to get into the car). It’s worth just sitting in your car for 20 minutes, or take a walk, or something else to pass the time to be early enough to make sure you’re on time.
I’m even usually on time to social gatherings. It’s maybe just my character because I’m outgoing enough to not make it awkward but if you’re the first one there you get some one-on-one time with the host, can offer to help finish setting up, and you get one-on-one time with a few of the guests to get to know people at the party (especially important if you only know the host). It’s easier for me to make acquaintance in a small group than it is once people start piling in who know each other.

Being early to social gatherings will probably make the host uncomfortable so here’s a circumstance of maybe parking down the street and hanging out until start time.

Be the best prepared person in the room.
This is one of the things that I am most actively working to improve. I apply this most in my job in construction management. In the past, I would prepare for things, but I wouldn’t chunk off a half hour to comb through paperwork, drawings, specifications, past change orders, etc. before meetings. I would go off my memory.
Now, I take 15-20 minutes and backcheck things I have in my memory, cross-check items, make lists of questions, points, etc. It’s similar to the planning maxim but this is less strategy and more arming with information.

In fact, even five minutes on short notice of sitting down and applying some front burner brain power in thinking through your objectives, questions, and what you’re trying to accomplish has made an enormous difference for me.

Don’t gamble more than you’re prepared to lose.
This may not apply to some people. In fact, some people make fortunes and careers off gambling. But this list is my personal guiding principles and not necessarily universal truths. This principle, however, applied to both monetary gambling as well as other less tangible things.
Now, I’m not afraid to take some risks, but I typically only take calculated risks and am somewhat conservative with managing the downside risk of things. Maybe if I were one to take bolder action, I would be super-wealthy but so far in life it has served me relatively well.

Sit on your first draft for at least an hour.
This has more of an application to emails and texts. To be honest, I need to be much better about this. I tend to be a doer and want to get things out. I also get caught up in “go mode,” and hit send before I’ve proofread or reviewed for clarity and conciseness. If you put some distance between your initial writing and your review, you can see it with fresh eyes. I suppose a general rule would be the larger the document or the more important, wait longer. I just know that often when I step back and look at a draft later, I always find something that can be improved upon.

Spell check.
I heard this on some podcast once. It’s not hard to hit the spell check button on everything and catch any glaring errors. This shouldn’t replace your own review but if you need to fire off an email quickly, just pause for 5 seconds and hit spell check. (I did copy and paste this into Word to spell check as free WordPress has no such tool).

Family first
When I was younger, I always thought guys with families were always looking for an excuse to get away from them but as I have two kids now, I realize I was way wrong. Hanging out with my family is the real treat.
I do have some interests outside of my family (Freemasonry in particular) which I do like to do but, as anyone who is actively involved in Masonry can attest, it’s easy to get caught up in Masonry, or directly handling some of the rental property work that I could easily farm out.
I balance this by looking at my calendar and anticipating if I’m trending toward neglecting my family.
The next few are all recent and interrelated as I’ve added them to the list:

Like yourself.
A few weeks back my 3.5-year-old daughter asked me “Do you like you?” which is a great question. One can’t go through life constantly berating oneself or attributing mistakes to character flaws. It’s also not hubris or cockiness to celebrate yourself when it’s earned. This is something I grappled with in the past and she just put it so succinctly…
I suppose my big fear was that self-like developing into hubris and me losing my sense of humility, but I realized that there is a balance.
Previously, I had been too far in the humility to the extreme to the point of limiting myself. You must like yourself and be proud.
Just not overbearingly so.

Forgive yourself.
I used to beat myself up over small mistakes and thought of everything as my own fault… even if out of my control. I’d think back to something stupid I did 24 years ago as a 12-year-old and beat myself up for it. I found that if I forgive my past self out loud, it eliminates that negative self-talk that comes from this recollection of the past. Once you’ve forgiven you can move on.

Have good posture.
Poor posture has caused me a multitude of nagging pains. It’s not too late to be more sensible about my posture. It feels better to stand up straight… like a relief for my joints.
Until my body gets tired from having had poor posture for so long.

My mistakes are not character flaws. Acknowledge them, extract the lessons, and move on.
This was touched on above. We all make mistakes but instead of lamenting them and viewing them as character flaws, you just have to extract the lesson learned and move on.
This is not called failure. It’s called growth.
And you can’t change the past, but you can act in the present.

I can’t always control external circumstances or what has already passed but I can always choose how I respond to them.
This is one I extracted from Stoicism. It’s one that I have to constantly remind myself of as a recovering worry-wort. Control what you can and accept what you can’t. If it’s out of your control, all you can do is manage how the situation affects you and how you react and adapt.

Seek out physical manifestations or “rituals” of desired internal transformation.
I heard an interview on the AOM podcast about a man who said that people need rituals. I’ve gone through Masonic rituals and have gleaned something from them, so it got me thinking of other rituals I’ve gone through and the passage of different periods of my life. I can mark (in retrospect) certain moments when I’ve shed the skin of the person I use to be and distilled everything good and eliminated some impurity that was causing a bitter taste on the elixir that is Matthew Maggy.
It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate, just something that is clear and is meaningful.
It’s sort of goofy really but small things like this enable us to create a separation we are trying to make within ourselves but physically manifesting it.

New Quotes I Live My Life By

Anybody who knows me knows that I am big on self-improvement. I pick up a lot from the lessons of Freemasonry. I also listen to a lot of Podcasts. Some of them are light podcasts on historical topics, but a lot of them are  self-improvement (Art of Manliness, Tim Ferris Show, Art of Charm) and real estate education (Get Rich Education, Real Estate Guys, Bigger Pockets) and I pull a lot of platitudes from them that seem to stick. I posted about a bunch of them 2 years ago So, here are some of my more recently adopted maxims.

“Do the math and the math will tell you what to do.” Russel Gray of The Real Estate Guys

This is one that I get from the Real Estate Guys and also my good friend and mentor, Charles, who dropped some knowledge on me recently. This applies to any negotiation or deal, but I apply it to a BRRR (Buy, Rehab, Rent, Refinance) real estate strategy. When examining a deal, you have to plug numbers into your Bigger Pockets calculator (or other calculation device) to see how much to pay for the property for based on how much it will cost to do the rehab and how much you can safely pull out of it once the rehab is done. And don’t pay a penny more.

If you have taken the time to work all of these numbers out and you get to the bargaining table and the price goes beyond that point, you should just walk away.

Of course it’s not always that easy because there’s a lot of emotion involved, there’s the myth of sunken costs of time invested, and a whole host of distractions.

A good example of this was given to me by Charlie via anecdote. He was in a meeting with his client who was trying to sell his business. The client had carefully examined the books and the business, and had formulated a valuation of how much he thought the company was worth. When negotiations started, he saw his client getting caught up in the moment and was edging toward taking less money than his valuation. Charlie pulled his client aside and said (I paraphrase) “What about your calculations have changed from before this meeting to now?”

Boom.

His client was ignoring the math screaming out to him to walk and if not for Charlie’s wise counsel, would have walked away from the table feeling pretty bad about taking less than his company was worth.

“Overestimate your costs and underestimate your profit.” Charlie

I’m sure this concept was not coined by my mentor and Masonic Brother Charlie, but he put it  so succinctly that I felt I should use that phrasing. This is such a simple concept. Sometimes when analyzing a deal, it is so tempting to give your calculations slim enough margins to try to make the deal work on paper. “Oh, well, I can shave $4k off the budget if the roof ends up being fine for another couple of years,” or estimating that you will receive the high end of the rent range for that market. (I know, I’ve done this.)

Do not do that. Avoid this line of reasoning at all costs.

If you use conservative estimates for your deal and it’s still a good deal, then if the worst case scenario happens you are still profiting. And when the best case scenario happens, you are all the more in profit.

“Be Willing to Walk Away”

This one is hard for me. How do you just walk away from something that you really want? I’ve definitely made boneheaded concessions because I wanted something so bad. Then there’s the flip side. There’s something that you don’t want all that much, but are kind of interested in, so you make a super low, almost ludicrously low (but still somewhat reasonable) offer and when they push back you just walk away.

Then, as you’re walking away, they say either they’ll take your price or counter-back at what is still a screaming deal… for something that you could have lived without in the first place. So you got a great deal!

The point isn’t to offer on things you don’t want, but to go ahead and make the low ball offer on something that you only want at really low price even if you don’t think they’ll take it.

So, to apply this to something that you do want, you just have to convince yourself that you can do without it. That will give you leverage at the negotiating table.

“Don’t count on motivation; count on discipline.” – Jocko Willink

I was listening to the Tim Ferris podcast while hanging blinds in one of the rentals and the guest was a ex-Navy Seal Jocko Willink (who is a super-human, FYI). One of the people who wrote into the show with questions asked how he stays “motivated.” To which he responded:

“Don’t count of motivation, count on discipline.”

And this totally rocked my world because we always see things about getting motivated and staying motivated, but “not being motivated” is just an excuse to be lazy or put off something hard or that you don’t want to do, but need to. It needs to get done, so you need discipline to hunker down and do it.

 

 

Real Estate, WWE, the Tour Business, and recent podcast listens

I feel like writing a blog post, so this is just going to be random stuff about what’s up with my life right now.

FYI: Married life is awesome.

Real Estate

First off, for our next rental property purchases we chose the “hard” difficulty level. We have purchased two single-family homes (one partially with proceeds from a 1031 Exchange sale of the condo in Reno). So for property number 1, aside from carpet paint, and various other minor repairs (replacing treads and risers on front steps), putting in appliances, and vinyl floor we have encountered these difficulties:

Rotted back door, frame, and part of the sub-floor and joists (Taken care of for a very reasonable price by BWB Construction)

Appliances in place, paint, carpet, etc. complete I then spent a week showing the house every evening to roughly 16 people (well, 16 appointments, half no showed).

Finally we get a renter and I show up Sunday evening to do some last little repairs and….. and a tree fell. Luckily it just did some minor damage to the back deck guard rail.

But man!

And the Housing Authority is suppose to come and inspect maybe as early as this week.

So I got to do my best lumberjack impression and cut of the three with a much too small chainsaw borrowed from a fellow Mason.

Looks like I’m spending part of my Saturday repairing the guardrail.

Our other property is in the middle of a renovation loan (also with BWB Construction doing the work) and all was going okay until we needed to drop the power line to complete the fascia repairs and Dominion (the power company who also happens to own every government official in Virginia) says they can’t come out until October 24th… when our rate lock on the loan expires.

Sigh.

Luckily BWB got on the phone with them to come out earlier (although they were suppose to come out 2 days ago, but still haven’t).

Otherwise, things are going well there.

Wrestling

One of the best things about living in Richmond, VA is that the WWE comes through here 3 or 4 times per year for live events, TV shows, and sometimes PPVs.

Last Friday, Melanie and I went to NXT at the Altria Theater. This was the set up for those who are curious:

The event was fun. We went to the PPV “Backlash” in September, but that’s a lot more casual fans and less hardcore “smarks” (referenced in a previous article).

Best match of the night was Austin Aries vs. Cedrick Alexander from a wrestling match perspective.

The most entertaining matches were Samoa Joe/Bobby Roode vs. Shinsuke Nakamura/No Way Jose and Asuka vs. Aaliyah because of the personalities of who were involved.

The Smarkiness of the event led to much more fun crowd and lots of chants, singing along, and all the things that us rasslin’ fans like to do.

Backlash, the WWE PPV, had two really awesome matches in Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz for the Intercontinental Title and AJ Styles winning the WWE title from Dean Ambrose.

For any long time wrestling fan, AJ Styles holding the WWE title seems like some fantasy land as of 5 years ago.

By the way, we sprung for the nicer seats for the PPV…

49ers

How about them 49ers? Man, we are terrible. Chip Kelly, Blaine Gabbert… our team is like the frickin’ Island of Misfit Toys.

Richmond Tour Guys

The tour business is a little on auto-pilot as I have turned my attention to getting these two rental properties together. Luckily I have an incredible guide in Michael Thomas who has been massively taking up the slack. It’s impossible to convey to him how much easier he has made my time management.

So far this year, we have given tours to over 825 people between regular walking tours, private tours, and custom tour packages. I swell with pride knowing that something that I started has been apart of 825 people’s vacations. They could spend their visit to Richmond doing anything… and they chose the Richmond Tour Guys.

We are Number 3 on Trip Advisor for “Tours in Richmond” behind only a bike tour and food tour.

Also, we brought on a new guide, Ray. He will start doing tours on weekdays, which is an area that I’ve longed to explore since the Tour Guys’ inception in 2014. Unfortunately it’s starting in October and November, which are traditionally less well attended.

As for the bad:

I had a couple of good private tours lined up including an Executive tour complete with an Executive Coach that cancelled; and a tour for a retirement home that I spent 10.5 hours routing, writing a script for, and practicing for them to cancel and thus, the Richmond tour guys has a new policy:

20% or $50 deposit for all specialized private tours!

New Phone: Blue Life One X2

I just got a new phone since the screen on my old phone (Huawei P8 Light) got shattered by an errant phone drop.

I don’t sign contracts for cel phones after I signed a 2 year contract with AT&T and submerged the phone I got from it in the river. So now I just buy unlocked smart phones by lesser known companies and I have not had a bad experience yet.

After cruising cNet, I ended up getting the Blue Life One X2 Android phone which has an octacore 1.4ghx processor, 4gb of memory, 64gb storage, 16 mp back, and 8mp front camera.

All of which the internet tells me is good.

I bought this one for $180 (normally $200, $180 special pre-sale price).

So far the phone is great. It’s way faster than the old one, I don’t have to worry about running out of space for podcasts, and the screen is bigger. The camera is also twice as good (literally, the old phone was 8mp). CNET rated it the best smart phone under $250 and honestly, since I’m not gaming or doing anything intense with my phone, I don’t really need the Samsung Awesome.

Freemasonry

In August I was all about working on Historic Mason’s Hall, the 1785 building in Shockoe Bottom that is the oldest lodge in the US continuously used for Masonic purposes. Then everything else took a back seat to real estate for the last month or so and probably will for 2 or 3 more weeks.

Efforts for the lodge are going strong.. slow and steady, but strong. We recently got a donation from the Sons of the Revolution and have embarked on a Facebook Ads fundraising campaign that has had some success. We have a great core group of guys who care about the building and are willing to put in the time to make saving it happen.

One of the things that we’re finding is how a little cleaning can go a long way:

I also recently discovered podcasts about Freemasonry. The one I’ve been listening to most is Masonic Roundtable. It features two Virginia Masons, so it’s got a lot of relevance to me.

I especially like the historical episodes such as on the Morgan Affair, the Baltimore Convention of 1843, and the episode on Prince Hall Freemasonry which is the traditionally African American branch of Freemasonry (we are working on bringing things together).

It also covers some more esoteric topics such as “memento mori,” or reflecting upon death and how we should make the most of the time we have on this plane of existence.

I reiterate as I did in my post about Freemasonry that Freemasonry is not a religion or cult, and it is non-denominational.

 

How to Survive and Thrive at a Business Networking Event (A Guide for Awkward People)

Photo credit: FollowUpSuccess.com

Networking is very important for success. This is pretty common knowledge. It’s not what you know as much as it is who you know. LinkedIn and other social networks are good up to a point, but nothing can replace planting your mug in front of folks.

Up until about 6 or so months ago I hated going to “networking” meetings. I was MORTIFIED at the thought of

• Awkwardly making small talk with complete strangers
• Ending up in awkward conversational pauses
• Getting caught in conversations with people who aren’t that interesting
• Not knowing what to talk about
• Not knowing anybody
• Possibly being the guy standing alone in the corner looking at and swirling their drink

It’s an entirely nerve wracking experience.

Through a lot of research and sucking it up and attending some of these things, I have learned a thing or two. I am now perfectly comfortable in these types of environments.

So, in an effort to reach out to those who need to do this in-person networking type stuff, but have all of the same fears that I did, I am making this guide to assuage those anxieties and give you some tools to function well at these type of things.

I am by no means a master networker/connector/anything like that, but I have been in the shoes of people who are terrified by the prospect of having to attend something like this and want to help.

I will put forth that I am working from a base line of general extroversion and thriving pretty well in small groups, even if it is strangers (events with 7 or more people still intimidated me to the point of not attending). I get that I was a little higher up on a comfort scale than many who will have to attend these things, but we all start from somewhere right?

1. Many of the people at these events feel the exact same way

Yes.

The number one thing that I learned from looking up the abundance of articles on how to cope with these anxieties was that I’m obviously not the only one who has them. Most of the people at the event that you are attending aren’t social butterflies who can shake hands, slap backs, and work a room like a politician during election season.  A lot of them have the same anxieties about working a room full of strangers that you do.

Take solace in that. You are not alone.

2. Consistency in attendance. Don’t try to meet everyone in one night.

A popular misconception about these events is that you have to “make the sale” right then and there. You have to go there, pitch your product/service, and hand out business cards to everybody in that room before the nights done.

It’s not a one and done prospect.

Your best bet is to choose 1 or 2 groups/organizations, show up to all of the events, talk to a few people at each event until either the event is over or the conversation dies (more on striking up conversation later), leave.

If you hit it off, or have something further to talk about with those folks, then follow up after the meeting and set something up (more on that later). If you don’t have any interest in a relationship with them, then don’t follow up. Say hi to them at the next event. You should try to remember people’s names (I am not known for being good at this), but if you don’t, it’s fine. They probably didn’t remember your either. And if they do, it means you were memorable and interesting.

Hopefully the event has name tags that you can try to subtly check out.

At the next event, do the same exact thing. Have good conversations with a few people. Follow up or don’t.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Over time you’ll have met several people at these events and a lot of people will know you.

The important thing is to not spread yourself too thin over several random groups. I already sort of have issues with this because I have real estate investor groups as well as history-based groups that I try to balance, but they can be somewhat related since I work for a General Contractor.

 

http://blinkevents.net/courteous-networking/

 

3. How the f*** do I get into a group of people to talk with them?

This is always one that made me feel the most awkward. A couple of people or a group of people is standing around having a conversation and you don’t want to just stand there and be weird.

Here’s a simple guideline

1) If the group is a closed circle or two people are facing each other square, then they’re really deep into a conversation, do not go in.

2) If there is an open space in a group, or two people are standing and talking in sort of like a V with their bodies angled out into the space in an open sort of posture, then they are INVITING somebody else to join.

Just stand in that spot and start listening. It’s not awkward, that’s just how you insert yourself into these conversations. Eventually somebody will introduce themselves to you which is your invitation to meet the group, shake hands, exchange names, and make with the chit-chat (more on what to chit-chat about later). If no one introduces themselves to you (odds are slim that they won’t) wait until a conversational lull, throw out a hand and make an introduction.

It definitely feels weird at first, but when you try it once and see that it works you’ll be like “Oh…. that was easy.”

You just have to get over yourself.

Personally, I prefer groups of 3 or more. The conversation is less likely to die down when there are more people.

One thing that I always try to do as a former Networking-ophobic is to always make space for someone who even kind of looks like they are alone and trying to join the conversation circle. Even going so far as to invite them in.

It’s actually a really interesting dynamic. The group will expand into a circle, and as it reaches critical mass to where there’s like 8 people in a giant circle, side conversations begin and the circles divide like a single celled organism splitting itself.

If you see a person standing by themselves they are fair game. Go and strike up a conversation about whatever. If anything, they may be that awkward person who isn’t sure how to approach people and you have made the event much better for them. And they might have a lot to offer and be an interesting person.

4. What do I talk about? NOT yourself.

What am I suppose to talk about with these people? Well, you aren’t suppose to talk. People don’t really care about what you have to say, but they LOVE talking about themselves. Just ask them questions about them. Always ask open-ended questions

Here’s some questions:

• What brings you here today/tonight? This is pretty obvious. The one thing that you and this other person have in common is that you are both there for some reason. This can lead to all sorts of off-shoots of topics.
• What do you do? : Basic questions. It’s a baseline. Sometimes they can give you enough with this where you can riff of of with questions for a while. For example “I’m an architect” can be followed up by “What sort of buildings to you design?” “What got you into that?” “Where did you study” and you can just go on asking questions.
• Where are you from?: You could share something you know about it and ask them about that, talk about a place that’s somewhat close and ask if they’ve been, you can ask why they left, where they went to college, etc.

The important thing to remember is to have a genuine interest in the person’s story. Personally, I love knowing people’s stories and all about them. You can ask a ton of questions and go pretty deep without touching on sensitive subject matter. If they mention that their parents passed away, I wouldn’t ask “how?” Or something along those lines.

This is a basic tenet of the seminal self-help book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It’s a classic and everybody should have read this at least once.

Also, if the person really has nothing interesting you can probe about… see the section on ending conversations.

Of note, unless it’s a political event, or a religious event, don’t talk politics, religion, or anything that could possibly put you at odds with someone there on a personal level.

5. Conversation Enders

A lot of time you get caught up in a situation where you guys have nothing left to talk about. You can both tell that the conversation is ending, but not quite sure how to separate.

You look around to try to bring somebody else in to freshen up the conversation…nobody.

This simple phrase works wonders:

“Well, it was great talking to you!” And move on.

Yes, it’s that simple. You are both looking for a way to end the conversation and move on to something else, it just takes someone with the balls to acknowledge that the conversation is dead and rip the band-aid off.

You will be relieved, they will be relieved.

If you want to be non-confrontational about it, or this seems too sudden then the following solutions are available to you. (These also work if it’s someone who is just yammering about bullsh*** or is uninteresting).

1) “It was nice talking, I have to get with so-and-so to follow up about (X)” And go join another group or person. Even if you don’t know them or have anything to talk about, just start a new conversation. It’s much better if it’s somebody you’ve met before though, so you can catch up.

2) “I have to run to the restroom.” Go to the restroom. If you don’t have to go, just look in the mirror and make sure your tie’s straight. Also, maybe wash your hands since you’ve probably just shaken a bunch of hands.

You can only go to the well with this one so many times before people have seen you run to the bathroom 4 times in an hour.

3) “I’m out, I need to go grab a drink” Keep a small amount of drink in your glass, finish it, and use the old bar excuse. Get caught up in a conversation with someone else at the bar.

Once again, I emphasize, everybody is at these things to network, so most people will be on the same page with you of trying to talk to more than one person, or ending a conversation that’s going nowhere.

6. How to Follow Up 

Okay, so you’ve made a connection.You and the other person either get along great, or can potentially do business.

This is probably the most important part.

Admittedly, since I’m new to the whole networking event thing, I have substantially less experience with follow up. This is also an area that I need to work on getting better at. Thus, I present to you this Forbes article that I have found to be accurate based on experience and podcasts such as the Art of Charm that I have listened to.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/yec/2014/09/23/how-to-master-the-art-of-networking-follow-up/#1d206c60602c

7. Be a Connector

If you have met someone earlier in the event, or during a different event for the group and meet someone who they might have a common interest with, introduce them! Even if you don’t connect with these folks automatically, they will remember that you are the one who introduced them. Even if they don’t associate their acquaintance with you, you have helped some people out and have built up some good karma.

8. Don’t Drink Too Much

Enjoying a cocktail or two is fine, but don’t be that guy/girl who gets drunk to deal with the fact that they can’t handle social situations. It’s a social lubricant up to a point…. break up your drinks with water to hydrate.

That’s about the gist of it. The most important thing to remember is that anything that you’re feeling as far as anxiety, awkwardness, whatever.. you’re not the only one.

And once you are comfortable moving about a room at a networking event, be sure to make room for or talk to the person standing by themselves awkwardly staring down at their drink and introduce them to some other folks.

Misadventures in DIY: Closet Organization/Conversion

(Disclaimer: I’m no handy man. I hope I can inspire other people who are complete DIY novices to try, even if it’s not perfect. That’s why I always mention my terrible errors and sloppiness.)

One of the things about humble beginnings is making them more livable: case in point, our duplex. One of the other complaints that Melanie and I have lobbed is the super crowded closet. Our bedroom closet is 64″ wide with a 30″ opening and it’s only 22″ deep. Melanie couldn’t even reach all the way inside the closet to grab some of her clothes because one of the sides of the closet went back so deep. The crowded, cramped clothes jutted out of the entrance, making it hard to close the closet door. It had this terrible Lowes metal wire shelving that was poorly installed. I understand why the previous Owner did this, because it was a rental unit, and we usually don’t spend too much time making those super nice.

But when Melanie casually mentions that something is inconvenient, I, of course, go to work on a plan that is way more than is necessary to cure the ill by hacking and screwing wood that would make most home improvement professionals cringe.

Onward!

Forgot to take a true before pic, so this one after I got the first part up. FYI: I know these photos suck… I may need some photography classes if I’m gong to keep doing these blog posts.

 

I Googled solutions and I came upon an idea to make 2 levels of perpendicular clothing racks and went to work designing it. The plan was to use 1x4s to make strips around the perimeter of the closet to attached the clothing bars to. This would also give me a way to put wood shelving in the top of the closet for storage.

Step 1: I took measurements and drew up a plan

Materials:

• 32′ of yellow pine 1×4 (2 at 16′ lengths)
• 8′ of round closet rod
• 1 4’x8′ A/C Plywood
• 5 Wood closet rod holders (I like the look of wood more)
• 2-1/2″ Square drive screws
• 1-1/2″ nails
• 5 #20 Joiner Biscuits
• Wood glue
• Scrap 2×4

All of my lumber was purchased from Siewers Lumber & Millworks, my employer’s supplier here in Richmond, VA. Siewers is a local, family-owned business since 1888 and their lumber is infinitely better than the crap you have to dig through to find only slightly less crappy lumber at Lowes.

Also, I only needed 4 closet rod holders, but I messed one up when I split it in half trying to hammer a nail on it to hold the rod on. Thus, I had to buy another.

Tools:

• Measuring Tape
• Pencil
• Speed Square
• Level
• Circular-saw
• Electric drill/driver
• Hammer
• Chop saw
• Table saw
• “F” Clamps
• Saw horses
• Plate joiner
• Headlamp

I had access to my employer’s workshop and thus nicer tools than most novices, but a skil-saw can do what any of these saws that I used can do, it just takes longer because of all the steps to make sure you don’t mess up.

Step 2: Cut the 1×4 support band

I cut the 1x4s to the appropriate lengths. To do this, I used the chop saw at the shop.  (I took pictures after the fact, so yes, that is not a 1×4, that is a piece of plywood.)

Step 3: Installing the band around the perimeter.

First, I used my trusty stud detector and found the studs around the closet.

Once that was done, the first problem that came up is that (like it is all over the house) the walls and floor were uneven, the floor was not level, and the doorway was crooked. None of it uniformly so. With Melanie’s help (and patience) I did the best I could to give a sense of balance and symmetry to the thing.

So, with sort of a weird un-level, but straight base line using the doorway and floor as a guide, I began screwing (with 2-1/2″ square drive screws) the upper and lower bands around the closet. I had to toe-screw some of these 1×4’s in place to be able to reach the stud. I’m not sure if that’s suppose to be done or not, but I did it anyway because it seemed right!

I used that shelf to try to make the bands even and contiguous for when I put the top closet shelf in.

A skilled carpenter would have mitered the corners, or made some other joint to lock the 1×4’s together, but skilled carpenter doesn’t describe me, and the project needed to get done without spending 10 hours and 30 extra linear ft. of 1×4 to finagle a half-decent joint of some kind.

Step 4: Closet Rods

Next was the closet rods. I opted for wood ones, because I feel that they look nicer. I cut the rods to length (and re-cut when I screwed up twice) and then installed the brackets.

In order to make sure the closet rod didn’t come out when clothes were pulled off it, I hammered a small nail into the bracket to hold it in.

Step 5. Melanie’s lower closet bar leaving room for longer articles of clothing to hang

The other issue that I had to find a solution for was mounting the clothing rod for the lower level of of the closet while leaving some space for the longer articles of clothing (dresses) to hang down freely from the top bar. The solution was a (shoddily) homemade bracket using a piece of the plywood for the shelving and a 2×4 ripped in half to be a 1×1.

That 90 degree line right there was to notch it so that it fit around the 1×4 band.

I didn’t have a jig saw, or any fine woodworking tools really, so I just had to make due with my circular saw and coping saw leftover from trimming out my water heater closet…..which is why it looks so sloppy. (1st photo)

I split a 2×4 into two then, once again, use a circular saw to cut a notch for the band. (2nd Photo)

Then I hammered a nail through both sides to attach the 1×1 flanges to the plywood. Ignore my messy nightstand. (3rd Photo)

It’s bulky, ugly, and, yes, I didn’t make the plywood wide enough and had to add another, wider piece of ply to make the clothing rod mounting bracket line up with the other one, but I didn’t have to spend money on any extra materials; which I consider a minor victory.

Yes, the rod is slightly tilted. It’s an…um…err….  aesthetic choice….

For the other side, I actually found a better method for making the bracket.

I added a shelf in case we need it for whatever reason. I used 1-1/2″ trim nails to make sure it doesn’t go anywhere.

I actually should have done the upper closet shelves before we put Melanie’s clothes in the closet, but I didn’t want her to have to leave her clothes in the living room closet and on the couch while I waited until the next week to finish the closet.

Step 6. Closet Shelves

The next order of business (before installing my clothing racks) was getting a shelf in the top of the closet. this was made immensely difficult by uneven walls, and studs making drywall subtly bulge out.

The thought was that I could use the 1×4 band as support for the shelves. The only problem was that I had to make the shelves in 3 parts to make a “C” shape and one corner would be unsupported.

So I used the table saw in the shop to cut 3 boards (one all the way across, and 2 smaller panels to go in the sides of the closet):

Now, how to join the 3 boards? Our cabinetry subcontractor (Joshua Cooley Fine Carpentry) and I were talking about this one day during work and he showed me how to use biscuits, a plate joiner, and wood glue to make it into one unit. (These illustrative photos are actually of two scrap boards because I had already joined my shelving and was waiting for the glue to dry.) Descriptions are in creepy Silence of the Lambs speak for my own entertainment.

Photo 1: It lines up the two boards that it wants to join and draws a line (hopefully more straight than mine).

Photo 2: It clamps the board to its work bench/surface/precariously placed saw horses, lines up the plate joiner and makes the hole on both boards.

Photo 3: The hole

Photo 4: The #20 biscuit

Photo 5 & 6: It puts wood glue in the hole and then puts the biscuit in the hole on both boards. It also glues the surfaces of the boards that will be touching.

Photo 7: It uses “F” clamps to hold the boards to the table and flat, and also to hold the boards together.

 

Then I put the boards in the closet, and hacked, cut, and maimed the sides so they fit into the uneven closet. Because I’m a jack-leg I used a hammer to tap the corners down to get the shelves flush.

That dividing line in the side and the main shelf is because I didn’t glue them well and the joint started to come out, but I had no glue at the house, so I just said screw it and left it. The biscuits will hold it together enough to hold towels and pillows and stuff that will be up there. The other side stayed together perfectly.

Step 7: My lower rod (get your mind out of the gutter)

The final piece of the puzzle was to make a lower bar for me using a panel, rather than a bracket (you know, to hide old shoes and stuff behind) as well as to leave room for longer articles of clothing.

First, I notched the board to accommodate the 1×4 band and the trim at the bottom. I also had to cut the bottom side at an angle to account for the slope of the floor.

Next, I made a new and improved bracket by nailing a piece of 1×4 to the plywood panel and then nailing that to the band. It looks much better than the 1×1 flange type thing that I used on the other side. I did the same at the bottom.

I also put a shelf there which I forgot to take a picture of.

And voia-la! An ugly bit of closet customization that is nonetheless effective at making it so we can access all of our clothing, as well as reduce crowding of clothing. I only put a pic of my side, since I don’t know if Melanie would be too thrilled with me displaying her wardrobe on the internet.

Also, the answer is yes, that is my red suit with gold trim and buttons, custom made in Hoi An, Vietnam.

There’s a bunch of empty space in the middle of the closet now, so we’re thinking we can put some hooks to hang stuff from, and maybe some sort of shoe cubby.

My workstation set up on the front porch when I do these projects along with the most important tools of the trade: measuring tape, square, and pencil. Along with my cheap, plastic saw horses that have served me well over 3 projects.

and my Skil-saw (that is actually Skil brand).

Thinking that my next project (aside from covering squirrel holes around the roof line) will be a rail for this front porch.

I hope you enjoyed fuddling my way through this project!

 

Real Estate Resources/Tools I Use

Most people who know me know that I am into real estate. I’m very much a novice, but I see a lot of people wanting to get into it. Some have even asked me about it, or where to start. I have done a lot of research. I listen to a lot of podcasts, read a few books, and read websites. To that end, I thought I would share what I have learned and throw some resources out there that I use and have used for other people to use.

What I have learned so far through my small amount of experience and advice that has helped me:

1) First step is to figure out your goals.

Do you want to flip houses? Do you want to Buy and Hold? Do you want to develop and sell? Do you want to build on vacant lots and rent them out? What’s your income goal? Do you want to replace your income and stop there?

The steps to do this are listen to the podcasts that I recommend later in this article. The recent Bigger Pockets one about the “freedom number” was good for me. It will help you figure out your goal.

For example,you might have a goal of 2 properties per year cash flowing $200/month or something like that.

2) At the same time learn all you can about your market. If you’re willing to travel, what about other markets around you? I am in Richmond, and know nothing about, say, the tidewater region, but your local REIA groups or other meetups should help you there. Talk to people (in person, you can only do so much on-line).

3) Talk to a lending professional. Figure out if you can get financed and for how much. Knowing your own ability to get financed can tell you where to start.

4) Easiest (but not easy) way to get started is to use an FHA 3.5% money down loan to buy a duplex/triplex/4plex and get tenants to pay your PITI (Principal, Interest, Taxes, and Insurance). Once again, I don’t know what market you’re in and if that’s feasible. Use some sort of Calculator for real estate investing (such as Bigger Pockets calculators, for paid subscribers only) to figure out if the numbers work.

The things to account for in a Buy and Hold property are Principle, Interest, Taxes, Insurance, Vacancy rate, a percentage for repairs, possible HOA dues, etc.. The books I recommend later in the article will define all that for you.

5) Other successful investors, especially the ones younger than you and your same age, can be intimidating to someone who is working full time, making family time, and trying to make Real Estate work. A lot of these people who are constantly flipping and making deals happen are light years ahead of you in their real estate portfolio.

Don’t compare yourself to other people. Know what your personal goals are and reserve engineer them to lay out a rough outline (that will inevitably change over time).

6) Get started. NOW. There will never be a perfect time or the perfect property. The best way to learn is by doing imperfectly and learning.

Resources:

Number 1: Bigger Pockets (www.biggerpockets.com)

Bigger Pockets (BP) is basically a social network for real estate investors and the best starting spot. They have a free course called The Beginners Guide to Real Estate Investing. They have a weekly Podcast where they interview successful members of the website. Both of these are awesome ways to get educated. They have a blog where members write posts. They have calculators for rentals, flips, etc. to analyze deals (real estate transactions are referred to as “deals” by everybody for some reason). These are mega important for due diligence prior to investing.

The most important resource BP has is the BP Community. There are forums, ways to connect, etc. and it basically is a place for you to go give and get advice; share stories and information; and read through to learn. You can post your deal on the forums and ask people to analyze it, and they will usually look at your analyses and help you figure out whether it’s a good deal or not simply because they enjoy real estate. I have asked questions down to something about mudding drywall for my water heater closet.

Everyone wants to help other investors because real estate is not a zero-sum game and when you put good things out in the universe it pays you back with interest.

Also, totally worth it to pay for Plus, if not Pro membership if you are at all serious about real estate investing.

Podcasts

Aside from Bigger Pockets podcast, the number one tool that I use for Real Estate (RE) education are podcasts. I have 3 real estate related podcasts that I listen to religiously every week:

Bigger Pockets Podcast

I mentioned this one earlier. This is not the best quality podcast, but it is probably the most informative for just real estate. It is good for all levels of investors and covers a wide range of topics. One of the hosts Brandon, while very knowledgeable and nice, is very annoying to me (I think it’s his voice), but not so much that I won’t listen to this podcast. They interview Bigger Pockets members of varying levels of success and by listening to this you can learn strategies, see how other people off their investments, as well as be inspired.

The Real Estate Guys Podcast

Easily the most well-rounded, professional podcast out there. Robert Elms has been hosting a radio show for something like 25 years and has an enormous well of knowledge and contacts that he leverages to help investors, from buy and hold to flippers; and from novices to experts.

They cover all topics real estate related. They will also sometimes interview people about the Federal Reserve or other markets, just to give perspective to how economic news will affect real estate.

Get Rich Education w/ Kieth Weinhold

This is the podcast that reminded me about wanting to invest in real estate. I heard him interviewed on Entrepreneur on Fire with JD and started listening to his podcast. That is what prompted me to FHA loan and house hack (a fancy term for living in one unit and renting out the other) a duplex. A lot of his episodes are just him telling you about a specific strategy, or part of a strategy. He outlines how to do the FHA loan on a multi-unit property. He takes concepts such as total return on Real Estate and breaks it down over an hour episode. He also does some inspirational episodes and interviews with people. All of his interviews are strategic and cover specific topics.

He’s big on using turnkey investment providers who buy, rehab, rent out, and some even manage a property for you out of your home market. I understand why he recommends certain ones on his podcasts, but sometimes it seems like his podcasts are a sales pitch for some of these companies. In my research though, I have found that most people have been happy with his turnkey providers, so maybe Keith is genuinely trying to refer people to good companies.

Books

I have to be honest in saying that I haven’t read a ton of books on Real Estate Investing, but these are ones I’ve read that were widely recommended.

Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiosaki

Of course there is the seminal Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiosaki, which I mentioned a few months ago that I listened to on Audiobook. It’s basically the catalyst for you. It will shift your mind and the way that you think about money. It will shake you out of the mindset that you work, save up a bunch of money, and live off of that fixed amount of money through retirement. Lessons such as “work to learn, don’t work to earn” and buying assets with the money you earn instead of consumer stuff.

Most real estate investors will tell you they have read this book ,and many will tell you this was THE book that changed their lives forever.

Land Lording on Autopilot by Mike Butler

Okay, so you’ve purchased your investment property… now what? This book is highly recommended by several folks. If you’re not going to pay a property manager, then this is the book you need. Mike Butler has developed systems to manage his some-80 rental properties. He gives systems on tenant screening, managing those tenants, managing the property, writing leases, etc. This helped me wade through a lot of BS when finding a tenant for the duplex. Also ,when you buy the book, he gives you all the templates you could ever need for managing your properties.

Book On Real Estate Investing With Low and No Money Down by Brandon Turner

Another Bigger Pockets related recommendation (sensing a pattern here?). Brandon Turner wrote this book on how to use almost no money to get started in real estate. Strategies such as syndication, leveraging portfolio loans from local banks, using private/hard money, etc. He also talks about the FHA multi-unit strategy for first timers. It’s a great read and luckily Brandon isn’t the one who does the audio book version.

Full disclosure: I mostly listen to Audiobooks.

Real Estate Investment Groups

For education as well as finding deals, these local real estate investment groups are the way to go. It is full of experienced investors, hard-money lenders, potential business partners, and newbies who you can learn from, make deals with, or even teach a thing or two. I found two local ones in Richmond (Virginia) that I attend on Meetup.com.

Mentors

The best thing you can do is to find a mentor. I have a great mentor who I met through my Masonic Lodge in Reno (who is also my realtor) who is happy to give advice. I can never really let him know how appreciative I am of him, but he has no idea how much I value him being there for me when I have questions.

If you can find a mentor (probably your best chance is working for someone for free) it’s the best way to go. It could be someone you meet at an REIA group, on the street, a friend, or family member. They don’t always have to be older either.

If you want to get into real estate, I’d love to talk to you about it as a starting point, so feel free to hit me up!

Good Coffee, DIY , Wedding Planning, WWE, and other musings

Since I feel like writing a blog post, this one will be filled with random thoughts and observations.

Wedding Planning

Planning a wedding is a lot of work. I’m lucky that my fiancee is really taking the lead on a lot of this stuff; her mom has been a big help in keeping us on track and task. We’ve got a date, photographer, location, DJ, Caterer, bridal party, almost flowers, and a bride and groom.

So much goes into a wedding. When I started getting asked about table centerpieces I was like “Wait, that’s a thing I have to decide?” Or whether or not to give away custom chocolate bars at the reception. How about: where to have the rehearsal dinner? How about planning for out of town relatives? I suppose I should get to work on an itinerary; being that almost everyone is coming from out of town.

But, I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with the woman I’m about to marry, and I’ve heard the wedding is one of the best days of your life and I can’t wait!

Good Coffee

I largely quit drinking coffee (except on weekends) because it gave me terrible acid reflux and stomach pains. I will have the occasional cup of Cafe Bustelo at work, but for the most part I don’t drink it during the week. The coffee that I have at home is basically store-brand coffee. It’s serviceable, I suppose.

So, my friend Greg and his girlfriend came to visit Melanie and I a couple of week ago. They both work at Starbucks and brought us a couple bags of Starbucks coffee: an Ethiopian blend and a Guatemala coffee. We ran out of coffee in the office, so I got one of the bags ground, put it in the Mr Coffee and tasted it and just as I had feared:

It was awesome…. and my taste buds have been forever spoiled by the smooth, rich tastiness of good coffee and I won’t be able to experience the savings of drinking Kroger brand coffee at home ever again.

Do-It-Yourself

Since we purchased the Duplex, and it was not renovated with great precision back whenever it was renovated (2009, I believe) there are some quirky things which I have been doing around there. One is masking the water heater in the kitchen corner with a closet which was the subject of my last post. The other project was an 11″ x 7′, 2.5 foot deep recess in the bathroom wall. We lacked cabinet space, so we purchased a thin cabinet from the Habitat for Humanity Re-Store and put that in.

It’s pretty satisfying building something, even if it isn’t perfect ( and lord knows it isn’t), but by trying to do things on this future rental property, I can learn and be much more well equipped to do things on our settle-down house.

The rough part about all this is that we keep having to buy new tools. Many of these are pretty basic, so we need to have them anywa: circular saw, plumb bob, drill/screw driver bits, framing square, speed square, saw horses, pry-bar, paint supplies, nails, screws, stud-detector, coping saw, clamps, etc. Then there’s the yard work stuff, lawnmower, weed wacker, rake, etc. We have spent more money at Lowes in the past 2 months or so than I have in my previous 29 years. We’ve still got a few more basics to acquire, but the bleed of money toward tools and equipment has slowly clotted.

But what about these nails, screws, etc.? You can’t buy them by the pound anymore, you have to spend $6-9 on a box of fasteners when you only need like 6 of them. So now, we have to figure out where to store this stuff in our small apartment.

My upcoming projects (after the wall) will be cleaning up the yard and trimming back the growth, cleaning out the shed (which was full of old building materials, spider-webs, and spiders) and putting a floor down (simple, 4×4’s and plywood), and building a handrail for the front porch.

Thoughts on WWE

Seth Rollins is out for 6-9 months and one of the best parts of WWE TV is gone. Shaemus is the champion and it really couldn’t be more lame. Roman Reigns is a very mediocre flag bearer. Randy Orton is out having shoulder surgery. John Cena is out to host a reality show.

It’s pretty bad.

And the lowest raw-ratings since 1996 illustrates this.

Kevin Owens is great on the mic and in the ring, but he’s not established enough to carry the company.

Dean Ambrose is awesome, over, and way, way, way under-used. How is this guy not the main guy for WWE? He always gets the biggest reactions.

NXT is almost always awesome. The women’ division is lacking a bit at the top since Charlotte, Lynch, and Banks left, but otherwise has a good crop of wrestlers coming up.

I like Finn Balor as a champion. He acts and carries himself like a Champion should… a true professional. It’s like he brings that Japanese “we take this sport seriously” aspect. And he has great matches. Main roster material? I’m not so sure…

Samoa Joe is not very over with the NXT crowd.

Currently Reading

The Book on Real Estate Investing With No and Low Money Down by Brandon Turner  It sounds like some cheesey sales pitch, but he’s pretty realistic in what to expect from these efforts. this is the guy who co-hosts the Bigger Pockets Podcast.

Podcast/Book Recommendations: Overcoming Being Overwhelmed and Over Worked.

Feeling Overwhelmed: “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (And It’s All Small Stuff)” by Richard Carlson

Right now is a big time of transition for my girlfriend and I. We are about to close on our first Duplex (we are so super stoked); The Richmond Tour Guys is experimenting with charging for tours (this coming weekend is the first of that); and my girlfriend started a new job this week. Between all of this, making time for each other, and my full time gig; it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.

For a week or so after we got back from our trip to the West Coast trip, I started really stressing and panicking. There was so much to do. Will paid tours be successful? What if I fail? What if I don’t make the flyers in time? What if I don’t have the tour script memorized? What if the Duplex which seems like an awesome deal from my due diligence, turns out not to be? What if I am not a good landlord? What if I’m neglecting my girlfriend? What if I’m losing connection with my friends and family? What if, what if, what if!?!

Well, I decided after suffering these pangs of anxiety that I needed to stop worrying so much; but needed some tips on how to do (other than Buzzfeed posts). I was listening to an episode of Entrepreneur on Fire (Sorry JLD, I can’t remember which one) and one of the guests recommended “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (and it’s all small stuff)” by Richard Carlson. I bought the AudioBook and listened to it for the next few days repeating certain chapters that resonated with me. The book helped me put all this anxiety into perspective. I mean, I was overwhelming myself so much about what wasn’t getting done, that I paralyzed myself into inaction which created tons of inertia.

The book said a some stuff that I already knew (being present, realizing that things aren’t that big of a deal, etc.), but it’s sometimes necessary to have it hammered in again. Repetition is invaluable.

I suppose the point of this is if you feel constantly overwhelmed, anxious, angry, etc: “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” is a must-read. It’s a good healthy dose of perspective.

Overworked “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” by Robert Kiosaki

I finally read (well, listened to) Rich Dad, Poor Dad. I totally see why so many people refer this book. It is really mind blowing. As someone who’d always looked with interest upon getting passive income, this book greatly helps expand as to how to make that possible and reminds me of why I want to produce enough passive income to where dictate my lifestyle rather than trading my time for dollars.

The biggest take away for me was to constantly be learning. I already do that, but the book made me realize that almost everything even if it’s not obviously an educational experience, is an opportunity to learn something; be it my day job, giving tours, or writing a blog post.

After having my girlfriend listen, we decided to take our futures into our own hands and we are purchasing our first duplex.

This book has changed the lives of a lot of people and it’s easy to see why.

New Podcast Recommendation: Get Rich Education with Kieth Weinhold

In continually learning; Podcasts help me a lot with this. Via Entrepreneur on fire, which I recommended a couple of months ago, I found a new Podcast that has shot to the top of my list of Podcasts that I regularly listen to:

Get Rich Education With Kieth Weinhold: He is a successful real estate investor who pretty much gives away incredible information for free every week on his Podcast. Listening to it from the beginning is almost like an education series in that he builds off of earlier topics. He starts general with mindset and principles of ways to think about things, then gets into very specific details about tools and strategies. My mind has been expanded a lot since listening to his Podcast. As someone with a fledgling real estate portfolio, having someone give me this information weekly in digestible form is priceless.

I’m still kind of waiting to see what the catch is. One thing is that he invests in Turn-Key real estate in Memphis, and gets $1,000 referral reward if people he refer use their services. Although, the company gives anybody who refers someone $1,000 so it’s not like they are a sponsor of the Podcast (that I know of).

I am currently doing my own due diligence on this Turnkey Real Estate service.

Website/Podcast Recommendation: Bigger Pockets

The other things I’ve discovered since my last post is a social network for real estate investors called Bigger Pockets. It’s completely free (although some extra features require membership; but it’s reasonably priced and totally worth it). It’s a way to connect with other real estate investors, both local and nationally. It also has a blog, a podcast, forums, calculators for flips and buy and holds, and a lot more.

For the last month, my girlfriend and I have been in contract for a duplex and I posted questions on this forum and got answers. There is no way I’d be able to get these answers otherwise. People help you analyze deals, tell you about the market, help with land lording strategies, tax strategies, asset protection and even give advice on specific situations.You can also search the forum and the blogs and find a lot of your answers.

The Buy and Hold calculator alone was worth paying for the Plus membership. I highly encourage anyone even remotely invested in real estate to sign up and get involved in this website; listening to the podcasts; and reading the blogs. I can’t stress how invaluable this resource has been for me over the past 2 months.

The Ups and Downs of Business and the Path to Success

One moment your on top of the world and then the next, life hands you a heaping helping of humble pie.

What Success Really Looks Like

Maybe it’s just me and I’m inclined to have big emotional upswings and downswings, but life is a just a crazy roller coaster. Success is less like climbing a mountain and is more like climbing a series of hills that turn into a mountain range, with more hills in-between. Some of these hills and mountains will then have groups of trolls at the top trying to throw you back down the other side and make you start from the beginning, or to the bottom of a mountain that you’ve already climbed.

I will give you an example of this based on events happening solely this past week:

That trolley tour that I was suppose to guide got cancelled. I was very disappointed. The disappointment didn’t stem so much from not getting paid for it (although I’d be lying if I said that didn’t play a part), but stemmed more from the work that I put into mapping that tour route, memorizing the script, and practicing it once per day for 2 weeks all being for naught. True, it helped me write my Church Hill Tour script, and gave me something that I might be able to use if we do this sort of thing down the road; but that’s a tiny consolation.

I found out about this on Monday. On Tuesday, I get a call to give a private tour (which pays pretty well) that evening and execute it almost perfectly.

Success! Up the mountain.

Saturday comes and it’s time for the morning tour and I get one guy who doesn’t tip me anything for the awesome 2.5 hour tour I just gave him.

Well that’s a kick in the pants down the hill.

Granted, I didn’t expect a big turn out because of all of the cool stuff going on for the 150th anniversary of the fall of Richmond at the end of the American Civil War; but seriously; one guy?

Down we go.

So, the inaugural Church Hill tour was that evening as given by one of my new guides, JJ. I didn’t hold high hopes for turn out because of all of the Civil War living history and reenactment stuff going on at the State Capitol. It’s a tough competition, but Lo and behold…..

Inaugural Church Hill Tour

19 people show up for the tour!

Back up the mountain.

It’s not easy, but it sure is an exhilarating climb.