Random Observations, Quotes, Witticisms

Every-so-often I will probably post one-line thoughts, jokes, or quotes that I heard, wrote down, or posted on Facebook so here we go:

  • I’ve been reading a bit of Thought Catalog and have arrived at the conclusion that the Millennial Generation (of which I am a part) have surpassed all other generations…. in whinyness.
  • From my girlfriend, Melanie:
    • Q:What part of the world do bad jokes come from?
    • A: The Yuckatan Penninsula.
  • “History is the autobiography of a madman.” -Alexander Herzen (via Hardcore History)
  • There will come a point when I’m older and technology will have surpassed me, and young people will get frustrated trying to explain it to me.
  • The tragedy of youth is the inability to see the long game.
  • Life is so much better with the love of a good woman.
  • Is it wrong that one of the joys of my job is screwing with telemarketers?
  • My friend said he liked ” hot chicks on skateboards” one morning so I made him this before I went to work. hot chicks on skateboard
  • Helpful hint: wash your hands thoroughly before peeing if you have recently cut jalapeno peppers.
  • Too many options are not good: I hate going to a bar and having to choose between 200 beers. I found the solution (for most bars)… keep your choices to whatever is on tap.
  • My good friend Brendan asked me the other day why I like history so much. The only response I could think of was “because it’s (expletive)ing cool.”
  • I wish teleportation was a thing. How close are we to that?
  • Good Punk band name: “Terms and Conditions.” Feel free to steal.
  • “Our mentors have a way of seeing more of our faults than we would like. It’s how we grow.” – Padme Amidala from Attack of the Clones
  • Pictures cannot possibly capture how massive the Pantheon in Paris is.
  • When I was at the Louvre I thought “Man, no wonder France went bankrupt and the peasants revolted.”
  • The more life I experience, the more I see how accurate famous quotes are.
  • When I was outside of the Buckingham palace, I was thinking: “What if the Queen is in there right now, sitting on the toilet constipated looking out at us?”
  • Smiling panhandlers: frauds….. or very driven?
  • You have at least one thing in common with everyone.
  • My definition of Heroism: giving up what you want most for the greater good.
  • A few political alliterations (or as I call them, “Politicalliterations”) I came up with during the 2012 election while working at a political survey call center:
    • Conniving Congress constantly contrives constitutional contradictions; continuously conning constituents.
    • Research regarding Romney’s record reveal recondite rhetoric regarding Republican requisites; riling Ron’s rabble-rousers. (Ron being Ron Paul)
    • Obama’s organization offends olfactory senses.
    • Bit-by-bit Barack belligerently brings Big Brother. Beware, Boener backs Barack’s Big Brother bills by berating big budgets; blinding beings.
  • A High Five without touching hands = Wi-Five.
  • I should have read more of the assigned books in High School. I’d be much more well-read.
  • Some people complain about turning 30 years old. I turn 30 this year and I’m way more awesome now than I was at 20.

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